[eskimosik]

this is my first post, ever on any forum, not sure what to do but am willing to learn. i guess write what i wish to say then send! i discovered david w 3 years ago, whilst in america, i was so excited about his work and his channelings. inspired, so much of what he said echoed from my own inner being. i have been checking into divine cosmos ever since and always find it a place to realign myself. my life has also been full of what i can only call alienating experiences. always on the outside, finding it difficult to interact, born into a crazy family who daily confirmed my inner/outer fears. began intoxicating my system at 15. huge relief, it felt so natural also the veil drugs and alcohol created enabled me to interact (so i thought!) this escapism lasted solidly for 12 years. at 27 realsied i was infact still alive. i made many changes, learnt about natural health, numerous ephinys, i still love the feeling of my first major realization and experience that i am infact a being of light! here to learn to love myself and serve, assist. but my o my what a journey, and it continues. i find within myself i have an inner turmoil that is still so present, its like an inertia, which no matter how hard i try to shake it off it returns, like waves. within this inetia is self destruction which the moment i become a little placid manifests itself in drinking, smoking, general abuse. why o why when i know the truth do i do this to myself?!