[irresseni]

hey foosnik, how ya be buddy? for me and i can only speak for me, meditation has aided in keeping the self open. i realized, from the start, this is a gift. if i run around acting like a jerk with it, it will be taken away. or more appropiatly i will take it away from myself. sometimes it gets extremely overwhelming. the more sensitive i become, the more influx of intensity, or catylistic energy seems to be atracted. i am going thru a event right now. it seems to me lessons on trusting myself, forgiving myself, honoring my desire to be of service to others. for myself, i do not advocate the use of drugs or alcohol as a means of controling the energy. i think it is best to focus on balancing the self. sometimes we are offered glimpses into our capabilites before we are balanced enough to be able to function with them. not to worry. focus on the inner work. focus on the ra teachings, for that is a nice blueprint to do the inner work. sometimes this spirtual work is very uncomfortable. just because i cured the outer, physical, manifestation, of my 2nd chakra blockage, (herniated embylical) does not mean the spiritual blockadge has been removed. that work has only just begun. please be patient with yourself. it will come, in the meantime recognize how to take good care of yourself. i do think it's ok to take care of ourselves in order to be the best possibly tuned instrument to play the song! peace, and love to all, your's in service...... doug

yes you are right. it is a gift. but i just feel so sad that all the people around me, that i look up to, have died or committed suicide in some form or fashion. both my grandfathers and my father have all committed suicide. bob marley, john lennon, martin luther king, jimi hendrix. they have all died prematurely. i don't want to die like them. i guess i am just reaching out for some advice.

i don't want to go that route and i retreat inside myself and meditate very often but i still have to go out and make a living for myself. i cannot feed my family on meditation alone.

i realize that all of this is about learning how to control yourself and learning how to control where you are focusing your energy. but it is not only me who is directing energy. it is all of us.

i cannot do it alone.

its just horrible sometimes isnt it? there are lots of techniques for dealing with this. i bought some books about it, but they did not do much for me. but from what i understand there are some nice stuff that can be done with visualizations.

the best way i found to solve this is to focus on my own energy and try to unlock my own knots in my system, not theirs. so i guess its also a matter of directing perception. taking control in a way. works well for me in a setting with few people if they are not too static. going to a mall or similar, is always drainage for me though.

anupama

god, i am trying to find the words to express it. like you said, it is horrible.

yes, i have tried to just take care of me and only me but it becomes, to me, like "damage control". i must interact with society to put food on the table. to interact with our society equals a whole lot of meditation, if you know what i mean.

i don't want to go out like all of my fathers and die. both my grandfathers and my father were great, sensitive people but were they selfish to take their own lives? the last thing i want to be is selfish.

thank you for your support.

this is my first post, ever on any forum, not sure what to do but am willing to learn. i guess write what i wish to say then send! i discovered david w 3 years ago, whilst in america, i was so excited about his work and his channelings. inspired, so much of what he said echoed from my own inner being. i have been checking into divine cosmos ever since and always find it a place to realign myself. my life has also been full of what i can only call alienating experiences. always on the outside, finding it difficult to interact, born into a crazy family who daily confirmed my inner/outer fears. began intoxicating my system at 15. huge relief, it felt so natural also the veil drugs and alcohol created enabled me to interact (so i thought!) this escapism lasted solidly for 12 years. at 27 realsied i was infact still alive. i made many changes, learnt about natural health, numerous ephinys, i still love the feeling of my first major realization and experience that i am infact a being of light! here to learn to love myself and serve, assist. but my o my what a journey, and it continues. i find within myself i have an inner turmoil that is still so present, its like an inertia, which no matter how hard i try to shake it off it returns, like waves. within this inetia is self destruction which the moment i become a little placid manifests itself in drinking, smoking, general abuse. why o why when i know the truth do i do this to myself?!

for your first post it is a great one and it is deeply appreciated by me. at 30 i realize that i am still alive and i want to stay that way.

i find within myself i have an inner turmoil that is still so present, its like an inertia, which no matter how hard i try to shake it off it returns, like waves. within this inetia is self destruction which the moment i become a little placid manifests itself in drinking, smoking, general abuse. why o why when i know the truth do i do this to myself?! damn !! well said man, well said. i totally agree with you here.

like i said up above this it is not up to only you and me. it is up to all of us.