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**leareliovag** · 03-31-2008, 08:35 PM

you know what would really cheer me up. a story of a person who was very much a tough, brutal sort of a person, and he/she learned and was able to turn it all around.

anyone know a story such as this?

that is what i am trying to say, i am/was that person....being on the internet i don't want to go into any great detail, but a summary of my life would be....

born fully aware, happy to be on planet earth, then being lied to by nearly every person that talked to me....(already feeling alienatedbrcause of it) then at 2 parents divorce, mother complete alcoholic, went through every worst nightmare a child could go through, mother in mental ward at 4, me every where bounced around to have even worse attrocities against me...adopted mother back out of mental ward at 5, we move away from everyone i know and love, to a strnge place where she can drink herself into a stupor and neglect me without any eyes to see her doing it, blah, blah, blah.......(i have totally forgiven all this stuff so it now seems like no big deal to me anyways)......

the i start school, happy again, from around 6 years until 12 years old, i basically raised myself watching the brady bunch etc.....i was fine on my own (mother mostly absent, money went to booze instead of food or babysitters) i didn't care and wasn't mad, because the kids at school noticed i had nothing and would allways give me what they didn't like out of their lunches....instead of being mad or sad, i felt soooo privallaged eveyone else took care of me, so who cares if i had no family......(good attitude for a kid i'd say, still trying to get that attitude back completely)

then at 12 adopted mother marries town drunk, most bitter, mean, angry person i have met to this day.....long story short, i became suicidal, and i'm the only one who even knows.

17, moved out, start searching through all religions only to become more and more dissapointed.....21 meet jw boy, think i've found the "truth" and get married to him.....he dosen't even consumate the marriage, and becomes more verbally and phisically abusive than drunken step dad.....i leave him, and the 500 people i met and thought were my new family i was searching for, completely snub me, drop me and ignore me, even though he cheated on me and abused me...it took a while to get over that rejection...wow.

5 years ago...i met an even worse abuser, and he found out i was leaving, so had his way against my will and i became pregnant....it is like having a phyco stalker in your life, who now has a licence to be there, as we have a child.....at about this point, it finally all took me over, and i became a horribly bitter person, even wishing death upon my abuser, which is the worst thought i have had...(except 3 1/2 years ago, i thought it and said it about my step father, as i never wanted such a hateful person to have the privillage of looking into my babies eyes....20 minutes later my cousin came over and told me he died at bsically the exact time i said i wished he was dead....believe me it took me a long time [bout a year and a half] to forgive myself for that, thinking my words caused his death 500 miles away)

i think you get the picture by now......long story short.....i had a beautiful child now, i did not feel like i should have the privallage of being around him unless i could get the bitterness out of me.....like i said in my other post, laughter is the best medicine......i realized i was soooo imperfect too, it really helped me to forgive others, and once i had a few years to taste being bitter myself, i actually realized that i felt sorry for angry nd bitter people, because there is no way anyone could actually want to feel like that.....trust me,....the formula for me was....

1) forgive others...
2) forgive yourself.....
3) stop judging anyone...
4) anger begets anger, so in order to release that anger, you need to laugh it out.......cry if or when you can, but if you are or where as numb as i was, you will not even be capable of crying until you get a lot of that anger out...even laughing again was hard for me, but i knew intuitivly it had to be done.

that is a very brief summary of my story......lol,

03-31-2008, 08:35 PM	#26
leareliovag Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 396 Senior Member	you know what would really cheer me up. a story of a person who was very much a tough, brutal sort of a person, and he/she learned and was able to turn it all around. anyone know a story such as this? that is what i am trying to say, i am/was that person....being on the internet i don't want to go into any great detail, but a summary of my life would be.... born fully aware, happy to be on planet earth, then being lied to by nearly every person that talked to me....(already feeling alienatedbrcause of it) then at 2 parents divorce, mother complete alcoholic, went through every worst nightmare a child could go through, mother in mental ward at 4, me every where bounced around to have even worse attrocities against me...adopted mother back out of mental ward at 5, we move away from everyone i know and love, to a strnge place where she can drink herself into a stupor and neglect me without any eyes to see her doing it, blah, blah, blah.......(i have totally forgiven all this stuff so it now seems like no big deal to me anyways)...... the i start school, happy again, from around 6 years until 12 years old, i basically raised myself watching the brady bunch etc.....i was fine on my own (mother mostly absent, money went to booze instead of food or babysitters) i didn't care and wasn't mad, because the kids at school noticed i had nothing and would allways give me what they didn't like out of their lunches....instead of being mad or sad, i felt soooo privallaged eveyone else took care of me, so who cares if i had no family......(good attitude for a kid i'd say, still trying to get that attitude back completely) then at 12 adopted mother marries town drunk, most bitter, mean, angry person i have met to this day.....long story short, i became suicidal, and i'm the only one who even knows. 17, moved out, start searching through all religions only to become more and more dissapointed.....21 meet jw boy, think i've found the "truth" and get married to him.....he dosen't even consumate the marriage, and becomes more verbally and phisically abusive than drunken step dad.....i leave him, and the 500 people i met and thought were my new family i was searching for, completely snub me, drop me and ignore me, even though he cheated on me and abused me...it took a while to get over that rejection...wow. 5 years ago...i met an even worse abuser, and he found out i was leaving, so had his way against my will and i became pregnant....it is like having a phyco stalker in your life, who now has a licence to be there, as we have a child.....at about this point, it finally all took me over, and i became a horribly bitter person, even wishing death upon my abuser, which is the worst thought i have had...(except 3 1/2 years ago, i thought it and said it about my step father, as i never wanted such a hateful person to have the privillage of looking into my babies eyes....20 minutes later my cousin came over and told me he died at bsically the exact time i said i wished he was dead....believe me it took me a long time [bout a year and a half] to forgive myself for that, thinking my words caused his death 500 miles away) i think you get the picture by now......long story short.....i had a beautiful child now, i did not feel like i should have the privallage of being around him unless i could get the bitterness out of me.....like i said in my other post, laughter is the best medicine......i realized i was soooo imperfect too, it really helped me to forgive others, and once i had a few years to taste being bitter myself, i actually realized that i felt sorry for angry nd bitter people, because there is no way anyone could actually want to feel like that.....trust me,....the formula for me was.... 1) forgive others... 2) forgive yourself..... 3) stop judging anyone... 4) anger begets anger, so in order to release that anger, you need to laugh it out.......cry if or when you can, but if you are or where as numb as i was, you will not even be capable of crying until you get a lot of that anger out...even laughing again was hard for me, but i knew intuitivly it had to be done. that is a very brief summary of my story......lol,
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