[Olphander]

the past year or so, for me, has been quite something- very intense.

i finally got this place i'm renting. i moved into it on 11/11/06. the house number is number 11.

in march '07, i finally got the internet here sorted out, and for the first time, had regular access to this great source of information.

i had been experiencing some quite bad depression beforehand, related to loneliness/ broken relationship problems, etc- but i found whenever i got down, having people to confide in through the internet was a great source of relief.

anyway, so it happened, that an old friend/ acquaintance of mine set up a myspace account. she and i both share the liking of a particular band which was around in the 70's. anyway, she had this profile on her account, and she told me it was the person's son, the son of the lead singer in that particular band. i had no reason not to believe her. i went to the profile and i thought he sounded very, very similar. i thought it was probably true.

anyway, one day, around the end of april ('07) i think it was, i left just a friendly, simple comment on his page, and he wrote back to me, telling me he could he had looked at my profile and could "see me for the beautiful soul i was" and asked me to call. well, i didn't at first, but i gave it some thought, and thought it would be interesting. so, once i had found there was a way i could make cheap international calls, i called him.

anyway, only after a few conversations, i was just blown away by this person. he seemed so amazing, so spiritual, so overwhelmingly full of unconditional love for all of humanity. the stories he told me- about his dad, why his identity had been kept hidden for a while- i thought he was telling the truth. i thought i could tell that he was telling the truth.

anyway, i was so convinced by this person i actually had my passport ready and was meant to meet him, and later move over there....i really thought it was destiny, etc.

it was my boy's father that made me see sense. (we later balanced some of our karma through this confusing/ painful experience).

however, another thing which was already beginning to make me see sense anyhow, was some of the things he was beginning to reveal to me about our past lives....they were too "far out"- even for me.

basically, he told me he is the reincarnation of jesus!
he told me he had two or three soul mates in this life, and i was one of them.
he said that the catholic and christian churches were the only true religions....i think he must have been indoctrinated.
he also had taken copious amounts of acid in the past- which he claimed to have stopped.

the other thing he deluded himself about was the idea that he was a lot more famous/ well known than he actually is.

i promised to keep all these things a secret- but in the end, i needed to talk about it with someone, who helped me see sense in it all. i hated to have broken my word to anyone, but it all felt sort of out of control.

anyway, it was just an incredibly intense and confusing thing to go through.

i later wondered, when i saw the first project camelot interview with david....david said something about wanderers losing their way and developing these "messiah complexes".
i wondered whether this had been the case with him.


it just goes to show though folks- our so-called intuition, before we learn to really use it properly, can often lead us into delusions of many kinds. "this is the world of illusion".
i believe we are on the right track though- we must learn to understand ourselves better, then we can learn about these things, the mysteries of the pineal gland and such. infinite love is the way though, no matter what. this is what i have come to see more and more clearly just lately.

anyway, a few months passed, then in july, i became deeply fascinated by the work of a certain conspiracy researcher. i later left that forum, as i felt it contained a little too much paranoia and negativity, however i do feel i learned a lot from this person, who i feel must be a wanderer too. especially after i read these words in a newsletter of his...about how he had always felt this inexplicable sadness early on as a child- that somehow- things were not quite right in the world.
i thought to myself "wow. yes".

there is one thing i learned very early on, through being involved intensely with a certain religion at the age of 13, for one year. actually, my parents had met in this church, but after getting divorced when i was a baby (my mother wasn't expecting any more children as the doctors had told her she was infertile, and she felt i was special somehow)....she stopped going when they separated, but my eldest brother i think always held this church close to him inside, and it was me initially that got them interested when some missionaries came to visit. i had been going through some depression at the time- the effects of bad experiences at school, as well as being over-sensitive and thinned skinned!

when i left, they tried to get me to go back, but a conversation with my aunt who had been a member in the past (who is very spiritual) struck a chord with me, and i became more interested in other religions.

it was a very hard time for me- i felt so alone.
but i knew i would always, always think for myself- no matter what. (actually, i began, of my own accord, to ponder and question things deeply, like how society was run from the age of about 10 or 11).

anyway, eventually i posted a blog somewhere which lead to someone giving me a link to the david wilcock interview, and here i am!

this website has really helped me to think positive, to help me stay sane.
there is so much food for thought and light for healing.

the other day, i received a message when i decided to attend a spiritualist church, just out of interest, and to get me out of the house.

the night before i had been crying out angrily in my prayers....for feeling so alone...for never really knowing if anyone could hear me or not.

the message i received left no doubt in my mind it was genuine- and spoke specifically about what had happened the previous night!
it was so reassuring.

we are never, never alone.

there are those in the spirit world who care about us and watch over us, even though we can't see them. they don't like to see us suffer either.

the world is in a lot of healing.
we can heal ourselves, each other and in turn help to heal the world.

let us keep searching.
let us continue to reach for the stars, for truth and for wisdom.
no matter how painful or confusing life gets.
let's be strong- let's carry on.