[Xibizopt]

just a few questions about parenting here. i'm sure there are a lot of people who have gone through the teenage years with their kids and i could just use some advice. or people who are teenagers and could give me their perspective.

i having problems trying to figure out the whole discipline thing. i'm not sure how much is discipline and how much is really an issue with control.

he is 17. he's a great kid with a good heart. he pretty much figures that at this age he's his own boss and knows everything. (hence the fully enlightened). generally he's great, sticks to his curfew, doesn't go overboard experimenting with drugs or alcohol. goes to school most of the time. is a nice , respectful person most of the time. i am generally quite proud of him. we have "grounded" him a couple of times when he's screwed up and he's has agreed that he screwed up and taken the "punishment" without whining.

he doesn't agree with a lot of my beliefs and that's fine. he thinks i'm a little odd but still loves me regardless of what i believe.(and i still love him regardless of what he believes) hence i haven't discussed 2012 with him. i have tried to discuss some neat stuff to try and get him interested in the mysterious unseen world but he's not into it. i do have lots of different books lying around and shortcuts to cool websites (like this one) on the computer so there is stuff around should he ever get curious. so as far as he knows, life is going to keep going on for several years after highschool (as it may for him, who knows)

anyways what this is all leading to is that lately a couple of times he's just been skipping classes (yes i did the same thing as a student) and then this morning he pretty much came out and told me he wasn't going to school and then after a bit of arguing he said that he would go after he slept for another half an hour. after the half and hour was up he got up and went to school and couldn't figure out why i was still a bit mad.

should i have just said "okay honey, let me know when you are ready" whatever you want is fine? it's your choice.

so how should i have handled it? in my new calm centered persona i am not supposed to get upset anymore. i am not supposed to get bothered by any of this stuff, right? from david's 2012 enigma talk:

if somebody else upsets you, the only reason why they would is because they are hitting an issue that you have. so if somebody does something and it no longer is your issue then you won’t be upset by them. so one the one hand i was upset because i thought he should have a little more discipline and dedication and be a little more committed to school because those are good traits to learn. to be committed and dedicated to whatever you are doing.

on the other hand in another year he could easily be off on his own, making his own decisions so why not start now?

i do believe discipline is important but i can't make him do anything. i guess what i am wondering is how do i discipline without getting emotionally involved and is discipline just another method of trying to control someone.

my mum said to me the last time i visited her that when we were teenagers (i have a brother a year older and a sister a year younger and we were definitely up to no good a few times) that when we did something "wrong" they could never decide what to do, so they ended up doing nothing. we all turned out okay i think.

i know part of it is that i think that as a "good parent" it reflects badly on me when he doesn't go to school.

is 18 the magic number where we are all of a sudden no longer responsible for what our children do? are we ever truly , completely responsible? or on the other hand are we ever, truly completely not responsible.

anyways, looks like i've still got a bunch of stuff to learn if anyone could help me out it would be great!

thanks,

megan