[avaiptutt]

hi megan

you sound a lot like me and your son sounds a lot like my older daughter who is now 21. so i have a bit of experience and have often had the same questions as you, especially since i’ve pretty much raised her on my own since she was 7.

generally he's great, sticks to his curfew, doesn't go overboard experimenting with drugs or alcohol. goes to school most of the time. is a nice , respectful person most of the time.

he sounds great. you have obviously done a great job so far, so you probably don’t need to be questioning your parenting skills.

i believe that once kids get to a certain age they need to start making some of their own decisions in order to be become independent. how else are they going to learn, if not by their mistakes?

i do believe discipline is important but i can't make him do anything. i guess what i am wondering is how do i discipline without getting emotionally involved and is discipline just another method of trying to control someone. i believe that teenagers need rules and boundaries after all, they are still children and they are living in our homes. however, if you try to control them, they just rebel against you. it’s a fine line, isn’t it?

anyways what this is all leading to is that lately a couple of times he's just been skipping classes (yes i did the same thing as a student) and then this morning he pretty much came out and told me he wasn't going to school and then after a bit of arguing he said that he would go after he slept for another half an hour. after the half and hour was up he got up and went to school and couldn't figure out why i was still a bit mad. how are his grades? you said he doesn’t too skip often. yes, we all did it. we were asserting our independence, no doubt. look at it this way, he’s not doing it behind your back. that’s more than most parents can say. perhaps, it may have been wise to respect his decision if this is a rare occurrence and he wasn’t hiding it from you.

if it becomes a habit, show him the want ads and let him see what kind of a job he can get without even a high school education.

i know part of it is that i think that as a "good parent" it reflects badly on me when he doesn't go to school. this fits right in with the wonderful quote from david you posted. this is your issue. i could write a whole post on just that quote.

are we really ever responsible for what our children do, megan? they are on their on path. all we can really do is encourage them, love them, lead by example and offer our guidance. whether they listen or not, that’s another thing. as you said, they also think they know it all.

he thinks i'm a little odd but still loves me regardless of what i believe. that’s funny. my daughter think’s i’m odd too since i’ve awakened. she skipped classes as well in high school and thought she knew it all. i never disciplined her much other than the odd grounding. she will be graduating from her 4th year of university next month. she’s a good kid. i believe a soft approach with good values mixed in actually works well.

it sounds to me like you have good strong values and this has already been impacted on him for the last 17 years. trust him, trust yourself.

imho
kris