DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - I am the mother of an (almost 17) fully enlightened boy

**Elissetecausa** · 03-21-2008, 11:50 PM

let me know when your teen has an out of control party and destroys someone's house. will you just say "don't worry son, its all just fine in the cosmic scheme of things, i'll take care of the $50,000 in repairs, because i know you have learned your lesson."

"when that house was destroyed by the party, i felt sad because i don't want other people to have their homes ruined. would you please join me in offering to help these people fix up their house?"

or, if the party is at your house and just beginning:

"as this party forms in my house, i feel hurt because i don't want to feel like the condition and soundness of my home is being threatened. will you please end this party?"

i realize that my approach to communication is very far from the mainstream approach which is based entirely on negotiation through the leveraging of power differentials in dominance hierarchies.

however, since we're on a website that offers proof of aliens, and talks about the virtues of non-violence and unconditional love... what i'm trying to say is that i don't think these are just academic principles to read about, but that they are functional and pragmatic things that can be implemented in real life.

for thousands of years parents have controlled their children through punishment. it's become so natural that society has forgotten that there are alternatives.

the alternative is not to let the child run the house. the alternative is to awaken the compassion in others through self-sacrificial, non-violent communication.

http://www.cnvc.org/node/393

are people really so cynical that they think if you open yourself up to a child - open yourself genuinely, explain your feelings, and then request (not demand) the child to help you, that the child will then turn up his nose and spurn you?

and that then if the child does spurn you and you remain compassionate, refuse to judge or blame, and instead just continue to express genuine feelings and make genuine compassionate requests, that he'll continue to spurn you and go do something dangerous?

in my opinion society has grown incredibly callous if we think so poorly of our own children, not to mention each other.

that book i linked to is called "non-violent communication" and one of its major concerns is communicating non-violently within the family. if non-violence isn't to be used in the most fundamental relationship that exists - mother to child - then how can we say we really believe in it?

a violent phrase is anything that is conditional. this is the very definition of manipulation. "if you don't do x, i will do y." that is violence in the most fundamental sense.

there is another way - instead of a violent demand you make a non-violent request.

few people have any practice with non-violent requests so, no doubt, it is a challenge to orient your brain around the principle and to implement it in real life. every piece of social conditioning we have tells us that requests are dangerous and that they make us vulnerable - every animal instinct wants us to make demands backed up by some sort of power.

but i think it's worth it.

that book i linked offers powerful answers to crucial social questions. how does one behave compassionately and non-violently in a violent world? how does one respect the free will of others while still creating boundaries?

03-21-2008, 11:50 PM	#16
Elissetecausa Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 458 Senior Member	let me know when your teen has an out of control party and destroys someone's house. will you just say "don't worry son, its all just fine in the cosmic scheme of things, i'll take care of the $50,000 in repairs, because i know you have learned your lesson." "when that house was destroyed by the party, i felt sad because i don't want other people to have their homes ruined. would you please join me in offering to help these people fix up their house?" or, if the party is at your house and just beginning: "as this party forms in my house, i feel hurt because i don't want to feel like the condition and soundness of my home is being threatened. will you please end this party?" i realize that my approach to communication is very far from the mainstream approach which is based entirely on negotiation through the leveraging of power differentials in dominance hierarchies. however, since we're on a website that offers proof of aliens, and talks about the virtues of non-violence and unconditional love... what i'm trying to say is that i don't think these are just academic principles to read about, but that they are functional and pragmatic things that can be implemented in real life. for thousands of years parents have controlled their children through punishment. it's become so natural that society has forgotten that there are alternatives. the alternative is not to let the child run the house. the alternative is to awaken the compassion in others through self-sacrificial, non-violent communication. http://www.cnvc.org/node/393 are people really so cynical that they think if you open yourself up to a child - open yourself genuinely, explain your feelings, and then request (not demand) the child to help you, that the child will then turn up his nose and spurn you? and that then if the child does spurn you and you remain compassionate, refuse to judge or blame, and instead just continue to express genuine feelings and make genuine compassionate requests, that he'll continue to spurn you and go do something dangerous? in my opinion society has grown incredibly callous if we think so poorly of our own children, not to mention each other. that book i linked to is called "non-violent communication" and one of its major concerns is communicating non-violently within the family. if non-violence isn't to be used in the most fundamental relationship that exists - mother to child - then how can we say we really believe in it? a violent phrase is anything that is conditional. this is the very definition of manipulation. "if you don't do x, i will do y." that is violence in the most fundamental sense. there is another way - instead of a violent demand you make a non-violent request. few people have any practice with non-violent requests so, no doubt, it is a challenge to orient your brain around the principle and to implement it in real life. every piece of social conditioning we have tells us that requests are dangerous and that they make us vulnerable - every animal instinct wants us to make demands backed up by some sort of power. but i think it's worth it. that book i linked offers powerful answers to crucial social questions. how does one behave compassionately and non-violently in a violent world? how does one respect the free will of others while still creating boundaries?
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