[Xibizopt]

well yossarian if you are one thing it is determined!! you just don't give up. and i do admire your conviction to your words and your passion, all the power to you

i do agree with a lot that you said is true. i do agree with non violence and unconditional love.

i just don't think you can make blanket statements like "all teenagers should be treated like adults". if that is true then the opposite is true that all adults should be treated like teenagers. just like adults not all teenagers are non violent or sto. you can't solve everything with a little chat. did you solve your mother's behaviour towards you with a little chat?

it works both ways, you can't tell me that teenagers are adults but then have different rules for both. the adult has to sit there with an open heart and unconditional love for his/her teen regardless of their behaviour but yet the teen doesn't sit there with an open heart and unconditional love for the parent regardless of their behaviour.

adults get punished and go to jail if they do something that our society regards as illegal, it's why we have laws. not that i necessarily think the system for adults is perfect either , locking people up and throwing away the key doesn't always solve the problem it just hides it . (but that's a whole other post!!)

but teenagers should just be given a hug and a pep talk if they do the same thing? they can't be treated as adults in the fact that they can do whatever the heck they want, but then be treated as children when it comes to the consequences of their actions. they are one or the other.

if they are still treated as teens, lacking in some life skills and wisdom then they can be given a second chance and given opportunities to see how their behaviour has affected others.

we are all different and we all respond to different stimuli and we all have different values (even teenagers). i know some kids you could leave in a house with a pile of money , a pile of drugs, the car keys and their baby sister and they would leave the drugs, money and keys alone because they knew it's not theirs. there are other kids i know who would help themselves to everything and leave the baby sister at home. so basically all kids do not get treated the same.

"when that house was destroyed by the party, i felt sad because i don't want other people to have their homes ruined. would you please join me in offering to help these people fix up their house?" sometimes its just easier not to leave the teenager alone in the house or to stop the party before it gets out of control.

as this party forms in my house, i feel hurt because i don't want to feel like the condition and soundness of my home is being threatened. will you please end this party?" originally your idea was just to let the kid have the party.

whereas whatever damage that may be caused due to an out of control party is always going to be transient. on the cosmic scale, it's not a big deal. my husband decided that it would be a big deal but in what part of my answer did you assume that he went in and threatened punishment and violence? my husband is 5' 3". if he went in with that attitude he would have been answered in punishment and violence, but he also did not have time to basically go in and say to 150 people your above statement. if teenagers are so smart, then they should have looked around the house themselves and been able to figure out that it was a bad idea and had compassion and love for the homeowner.

are people really so cynical that they think if you open yourself up to a child - open yourself genuinely, explain your feelings, and then request (not demand) the child to help you, that the child will then turn up his nose and spurn you?

and that then if the child does spurn you and you remain compassionate, refuse to judge or blame, and instead just continue to express genuine feelings and make genuine compassionate requests, that he'll continue to spurn you and go do something dangerous? i am not cynical and i do try the same approach, but it does not work with everyone. did you try that approach with your mother?

and i do not mean to open old wounds here or belittle what happened and is still happening with your mother but this approach does not work with everyone. and when you are a parent of a child they are your responsibility and you can't just walk away from them like you can someone you don't like.


i truly like you do long for a time when compassion, love and respect for others is the norm. i do think there is another way. however i also do not think that suppressing all of ones emotions is the way to go. even anger does have it's place sometimes.

one of the other most important things in life is forgiveness.

i think yossarian that like the rest of us you are longing for a 4d world that is one hundred times more harmonious than this world. i am with you on that and can't wait for it to happen. i do try my best to treat others as i would like to be treated myself. i was taught that from a young age. the golden rule, the most important rule ever.

the best we can do is the best we can do. if we keep trying to improve ourselves that is really all we can do. as i said earlier, when i changed my behaviour, magically every else's behaviour changed as well.

megan