[crazuMovies]

love, to me, is not so much a feeling as it is a state of being. aren't we told over and over again that it is the core of our deepest self, the very essence of what we are? how can you lose your own essence, tell me?

when we 'lose the love', because we lose a person, it seems to me that we never 'owned it' in the first place. that we 'used' the other one as a catalyst, as a key to a door within ourselves that makes us feel/see what is behind. that's okay. it's part of how we learn.

i'd like to stay with the analogy and see you (or me) as owner of a house with many floors and many rooms to open and explore. should we depend on others to come up with the keys that open our doors? that's a fearful thought, at least to me. it's nice if i get a hint where to look for one i seem to have misplaced, but that's as far as it should go for me. i mean, i don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home, having to beg to be let into my own study, or dining-room, or whatever. though of course it can happen that i have to pay someone to open my front door, because i forgot to take the damn keys with me when i went shopping. *sigh*

sharing with others means that i open my house to them and let them share the beauty (and it took time to accept that there might be any, believe me), and i visit their homes and enjoy the beauty of theirs. it does not mean that i need them urgently because they have the keys to my doors. that's not sharing, that's a recipe for doom.