[BrainTop]

i have come to a realization after thinking a bit more about your responses. let me give a bit more of my history, maybe that will help focus things better. i was born into a family that was extremely dysfunctional. they did not share love at all with each other. each person was so angy/sad/mad that they did/could not share affection. there was very, very little warmth and occasionally there was intense violence.

i think it is one thing to have once shared great love and have lost that, which is a horrible thing in and of itself, but it is another thing to have never felt much of it at all. my family has come a long way since we all basically ran away from the whole situation as fast as we could, and split up as fast as we could. since that time my mom has gone to school to be a therapist and has learned a great deal about what and why things were the way they were. she has done a great deal to get things healed within the family.

but i still feel like something is missing from me. i am not able to function in society very well. i have always coped with this in bad ways such as drugs and alcohol. as much as i try to fight it is becoming overwhelming.

the worst of it is that my physical strength is now becoming tapped. this is why i am coming to a serious turning point in my life. i know i cannot keep going in this fashion.

i know that i probably just need to look inside myself for these answers and figure it out on my own. but i was just wondering if anyone else has had a simular experience?

any insight you have can't hurt.

thanks so much for your help,
ryan