[Kk21pwa9]

@ rhonda:

first, i have learned, as much sense as you are saying and making, the other person just can not hear it. it maybe his inability to see real love being said through your words or actions, but to him, it may feel false. he does not trust himself nor can he trust anyone close at this time. he is prob. feeling very judged, guilty and that no one understands what he feels or cares to understand, the false image, yet, it is not. he is judging himself so much, he can not even think of trust or loving himself. this is so true. he appreciates my trying to show him that he is loved but he still doesn't really believe it. it just seems so crazy to me because i look up to this guy so much. he is such the strong, brave, warrior type and he is crumbling to pieces.

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i am assuming you guys have tried to get him help. many states offer free treatment centers. check with your local aa groups. but again, it is up to this person to decide, take the 1st step and then follow through. it is scary and that 1st step is so hard, but when he is ready, he will find peace with this choice. your support, your prayers (thoughts) will go a long way, along with the hugs (if he will allow it) he refuses. he says that he doesn't want to be a burden and he doesn't trust traditional medicine/doctors anyway.

the wife sounds like she is afraid and does not want to watch him die or kill himself. she in her own way is protecting her own heart and is at a lost as to how to help. i feel, deep down, she loves this man so much, but is hurts her by what has happen and now wathcing him slowly kill himself. she needs the support and understanding too, as you do. i think you are right on the money about this. and he loves her deeply as well. her great fear is alcohol abuse and his great fear is the fear of withdraw of love and abandonment. the two fears are feeding off each other like a snowball effect. when he runs into a problem he drinks. then she withdraws her love from him because he has broken her rules which makes him drink more and finally the relationship has soured. he does understand all too well, i think, the pain that she is in. he never meant to hurt her and it has driven him to the point of oblivion. i cannot describe to you the painful look in his eyes. this is not the look of someone who does not understand.

i love you for being the person you are and being brave when you don't know the answers too. have faith, even when you don't seem to see it, believe that all is were it is suppose to be and keep your hope for self and your friends and family. i deeply appreciate this and it sounds really sincere. i just really feel to my core what my buddy is going through. i have been on suicide watch before myself. i keep telling him that he will make it and he has to hold on. he has to hold on. this too shall pass and you will come out of this victorious. i need my buddy here in my life.

i remember the way that people talked with me when i was in my crisis. they listened and gently kept nudging me back in a positive direction when i started to spiral downwards in my grief. i think he is going to be ok because he has begun to talk with me and his mother. i don't think he will pull the plug and he will come out of this thing the champion that i know he is.