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Old 02-29-2008, 06:50 AM   #22
corsar-caribean

Join Date
Oct 2005
Posts
434
Senior Member
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i get this on occasion. it has always been there, i think, but i haven't noticed any particular increase in frequency. there has been a recent increase in emotional vulnerability, followed by feelings of thankfulness and love to god. honestly, sometimes i wish god was a human just so i could wrap my arms around him and say thank you, thank you, thank you for everything he's done for me. so instead i try to stay in touch with prayer as much as i can.

oh, and i try to recognize and acknowledge god in those around me as much as possible too. you can't hug the creator, but the creatures, you can hug.

i have had this love become unbearable at times, though. almost to the point of driving me crazy. one time comes to mind, in college; i was living in a dorm and i was lucky enough to be surrounded by young girls. i love girls. not just in the heterosexual way - i mean i really love being with them, talking with them, even if we're not dating or sexual or anything. when i was in college there was this one girl who i would sleep with - really; only sleep! we would take naps together, fully clothed, hold each other, snuggle and not have sex. it was awesome. i had a girlfriend at the time, so my sexual needs were taken care of. i still made sure to keep it on the down low, just so nobody's feelings would get hurt.

anyway, i think it was after talking with two other girls in my room after dinner, that i heard her talking in the hallway. i was getting alot of really good vibes from the two girls, and we were laughing really hard. i guess i was, i don't know if there's a word for it, "attention-drunk." so when i heard her in the hall, i felt really strong and powerful and full to bursting with love all at the same time.

so, to the incredulity of everyone in the hall, i immediately rushed out, picked her up like a little girl (she was nineteen and quite tall, but i almost threw her into the ceiling i was so enervated) and starting spinning around with her, telling her how much i loved her, and in so many words.

that time was good, because i had an outlet. often i don't, so i have to hold it inside, where it becomes like a secret that you're not allowed to tell. which can be difficult. sometimes i give things away to strangers because i can't hug them and tell them how much god and i love them without fear of arrest.

:-)

feels so good to have people to share this with!
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