[dyestymum]

if i really want to wallow in it, i will tell myself that i'm special in a way that excuses my upset and sensitivity to this harsh period in the history of this planet and this civilization. but, when i step back, i realize that that's just another way to create separation from source. in the first place, by deciding that others, while rightfully on a different path, are somehow less aware or less worthy, so that this rough existence is okay for them, but not for me. i was the type of kid who would always be late for school on a rainy day, because i was compelled to pick up all the earthworms on the sidewalk and throw them back into the grass for fear of them getting mashed.

i had a friend who i admired and respected a great deal, and one day while hiking through the bush he picked up a bullfrog, tossed it into the air and smashed it with a baseball bat. my hot tears of shock and hurt did not go unnoticed by him, and i sensed thereafter that he took my reaction as a wimpy weakness, while i took his action for callous indifference to life. i felt somewhat separate from him after that.

as a young man, newly married and beginning to raise a family, i went through a period of despair over the state of the world and the appalling suffering of man and nature. i was aware that people around me went about their lives seemingly unaffected by these things, concerned, it seemed, only with their own small orbit of influence.

i felt it my duty to dwell upon these things and worry about them, and sank into a dark pit of misery. reading edgar cayce really helped me out, concepts of karma and reincarnation served to make the suffering, death and enviromental degradation seem a little less absolute or permanent.

lately have come concepts of the law of one and ideas of equal and opposite polarity of the service to others path and the service to self path.
still trying to reconcile such terrible suffering in the world to myself, i gained a bigger picture of the evolutionary purpose of this world, and all that goes on here.

all separation from source is an illusion. all suffering is a result of this illusary separation.

does it follow, then, that all suffering is an illusion? from one frame of reference, perhaps. but i don't think i could look a starving child in the eye and tell him that. suffering is real enough that the 'brothers and sisters of sorrow' (or wanderers and others of those who are moved by the calls of those suffering on earth) come to offer their help.

i have come to see a little more clearly the divine purpose of 3d existence, of how suffering is seemingly an unavoidable although impermanent part of growth here. and i can see how suffering can be said to be part of the plan of the creator.

but i can discern a potential pitfall here, as mentioned in the quote above. one may come to look at the entire pageant as only that - an illusary production that one may be tempted to feel detached from, saying, "none of this suffering is real, everyone brings their own suffering upon themselves, it's their own fault, it's only temporary for their own becoming, a result of their own refusal to rise above the human miasma - it's god's will."

i have become aware of my own tendency to try to detach in such a way, perhaps in an attempt to ameliorate my own lifelong sense of pain which results from experiencing the pain of others...seeking justification for insulating myself from the suffering in the world.

i have a son involved with gang related activities, a very angry, troubled young man who can be very difficult to be around. he has refused utterly to accept any form of authority in his life from the start.

he was severely beaten in the head with a baseball bat last month, and is lucky to be alive. i am aware that he is in my life for a reason, he is like a polar opposite to me. i feel i have learned more about unconditional love, dedication to service and acceptance of the other self just in time in his case, and offer him something beyond words to describe; but involving total acceptance of his chosen path. i sense also that he has helped catalyze me into the realization of oneness; and, in this case, the total necessity of total acceptance of (other) self.

***

i must remind myself that regardless of whether i am a wanderer or not (i can't say for sure, and maybe it's not all that important) i am here in the trenches with everyone else. while i'm here, i am here. i am an intrinsic member of the human body; not special, apart nor elite or separate in any sense. i can accept the suffering in the world and see it's part in the divine cosmos, but i do remain extremely sensitive and empathetically compassionate to suffering.

and only thus may compassion be a tool for doing my little part to lighten the load of those who haved moved into my circles of experience/service.

to have been blessed to have come into some understanding of the mechanics of the cycles of becoming, comes with the responsibility of actively intervening in the everyday issues of life here, of doing my best to aid wherever my aid is accepted. there is no shortage of conditions involving those around me where i may be of service.

sometimes the compassionate desire to serve coupled with the ability to see other 'i' as 'i' and having unconditional love and acceptance of the other selves' paths provides a channel for 'divine intervention' into the lives of others. this aid doesn't come from me or you, though you or me can indeed act as a conduit for blessing through our own humble loving attempts at service. when one calls for help from above, it may be that it is you who is the 'angel' that is sent.

granted there are times in our lives when we may need to withdraw a little from the world to regroup our energies or re-sharpen our focus on love/light. but the lifeguard, ever vigilant, must be able to jump right in when the need arises.

perhaps it is true that the greatest service of a lightworker is to channel light/love energy into the light body of the earth-sphere at large. it would seem from the workings of ra that an awakening wanderer naturally fulfills this function by virtue of his higher density heritage. one nevertheless considers that the tiniest bit of the creation/creator is as valuable as the creator/creation itself, and as such is worthy of the entirety of the compassionate, loving and wholly focused attention of that which is the all in one.


who of us could do any less? who is any less?:d