[dyestymum]

i feel i just want to withdraw myself from the "normal" world and focus on spirituality totally and completely.
if there was a place where i could go and live and just learn meditation, then i would go.

the "real world" disturbs the sensitive stuff i seem to be made of.

more than anything, i long for peace.
and i long for answers.


perhaps it is not our job to try and change others.
perhaps we can only change ourselves.

just know that you are in very good company-this is a classic wanderer lament, we all feel this way from time to time.

sometimes, it helps to take a few steps back and try to see, in a more general, wholistic manner, the great beauty, love, wisdom and power of the system of positive/negative polarity which allows this world to go around.

indeed, if all was sweetness and light on earth...well, you know, it just wouldn't happen, couldn't happen, because there would be no catalyst for soul growth, and we would never be able to return to source. we would lay around forever in what would be a purposeless stupor, with nothing to challenge us, our glass always full...

i'm reminded of an old twilight zone episode in which a very self serving hustler and pool shark died, and found himself in a place very similar to his old haunts. the attending angel pointed out that here, he could succeed in every swindle, get any girl, and never miss a pool shot.

after a while he began to get bored by the lack of challenge, but found to his dismay that he really couldn't miss, couldn't lose a bet if he tried, every hand a royal flush.

eventually, he called out in anguish to the 'angel', and after venting his frustration and despair with heaven, asked to go to the 'other place .

the 'angel', looking suddenly somewhat malevolent, answered with a sneering laugh, "this is the other place!"

this is offered only as a counter-balancing thought aimed at helping to lift one to a higher perspective, when one becomes ensnared by the focusing on what is unpleasant on this world. although man's inhumanity to man and nature were not specifically planned by the creator, free will was given; and perhaps in this sense, man has dominion over the earth.

remember, all this suffering is ultimately an illusion in the overall sense of things, and at that, temporary. this stage of 'ordeal by fire' is necessary to return home, and the whole positive/negative, yin/yang, male/female, light/dark, electron/proton, luke/darth vader thing gives us existence, for without this principle, there wouldn't be a universe.

for me, when considering the evils of the world, this is the primary consideration.

what you seek, you find, so take care.

one thing, amelie, - have you ever read any of the q'uo transcripts at llresearch? there's nothing i've found better to help me take heart, and be strong, and continue focusing on the light.

yours in the pursuit of peace, mark