[Metrujectiktus]

hey guys!

just wanted to share something with you, in need of a catharsis, so here goes:

i want to start by saying that all this material (law of one/the science of peace..etc) really resonate with my "frequency" of being

so here it goes, huh, didn´t think it would be this hard to write...

i am fairly new to living a spiritual life, consciously that is.
i´ve been meditating doing yoga and prayers for some time now and recently really became aware of its positive effects. as a child i was very sensitive to other peoples emotions, and i got upset really easily when their was an argument among family members. i think that my way of protecting myself from feeling other peoples feelings was to shut down my own feelings, being in a numb kind of state. this has continued until quite recently.

the main thing that i guess triggered my search for my inner light was the feeling of depression, coming at first for a month, then disappering. then coming back for two months, etc. this continued until i was in the dark pretty much constantly. living in fear, shame, blame...

then there was the light.

yoga, meditation, healthier diet, sleeping less, really has done it for me.

so here is where i am today:

i recently opened my heart chakra (what a wonderful feeling, alive at last) which rendered me some really beautiful days in the "sun".

and here´s to the reason i posted this thread, as i´m opening up to the world emotionally and trying to stay positive (no newspaper/tv/alcohol) i got a call from one of my best friends saying that a common friend of oures brother recently commited suicide.

i felt so emotionally f***** up. i just wanted the self hatred to stop. we have to love our selves. but now i feel that as if my heart is closing on me once more, wanting to escape this feeling of pain, goíng back to the numbness. i know this may sound egocentrical of me. i am not the one how should be felt sorry for. but how do you keep an opened heart in this day and age??? i will try to live here with an open heart, but the more love i feel, the more helpless towards the feeling of hatred amongst ourselves i am being aware of. staying numb had its purpose i guess, but i do not want to live like that.

peace, love, light.