[ExelePlavisseu]

part 3 of "the deeper secret" was quite the sermon. tho i've been down this road before.
but when i see phrases like "contributing to society", or sloth and ineptness - and their better converse qualities; ouch. i consider myself somewhat inept and unfocused, in details. to, i'm 46 and clueless as to what i really want. and i'm either afraid or somehow detest responsibility. i also detest traditional trades!
{and i'm finding starting something on line is a pain as well. i simply hate promoting.}

there were also lines about giving your best for an employers wage.

so, i'm an inept, careless loser...that has been doing backbreaking landscape construction (trade : ) for 20 years. today, i make $14 an hour with no insurance. but that's fair ain't it...

i was going to post in that thread on a.d.d. but i'm honest enough to admit this may be a character thing as well. i've had my fun with drugs and metal. but, i've been this way, way before drugs. even at summer camp as a kid i got signals from instructors that i was a bit less than capable.
could'nt help note the original (add) poster said he could manage the things he liked. gee, fancy that.
i love my guitar, have some neat works of natural art and am learning 3d animation (plus all the esoterics). but these are hobbies, not major talents.

most, of it is my own fault. ie., astrology reports are fairly correct when they indicate my childhood sucked. but those who've been in worse situations and were able to make something of their lives put things back in my court.

yet i still think both luck and astrological forces are at play in this. that is, regardless of both responsibility and talent. there i said it. it's like those napoleonic battles. you get shot or you don't.......

and for ie., what about the factories in england in the 17-1800's? historically, that was where they got the phrase, "bring out your dead". they were literally worked to death. kids too. those good for nothings...

so i'm guilty. but i think there's something missing in these sermons. sermons of this nature. could be me....what say you?

but i must admit, this site has really gotten things going inside. and i forgot to mention i went to school for computers. electronics, networking and repair.
i graduated....no one hired me as i had "no experience". plus i'm just shy and introverted (and found out that electronics and networking are as boring as, plumbing : )

i'm not an idiot (who is?). the fact is...partly....the system itself. for the first time i heard a guy, who's one of these exposers of the ptb, actually say that much of the psychological maladies of today... are directly linked to the system itself.
while at the same time, that very same system puts the blame squarely on you.

could be excuses. but i'm being honest here as well : )

so i'm now going in circles. i think this year will be very interesting in light of all this. i'm certainly going to try and get in tune with my higher self.
{what i've been dreaming about is having my own little theater and putting on vampiric black metal shows. see? that's a dream or a "follow your bliss" thing. but it seems too impossible. and another part of me, simply does'nt want to do that. so i'm just out of my mind. tho my substitute for this is to do the same but in animation. but it takes free time. alot of free time.}

>>>>>>>>

ok, this happened to me today and i may as well finish it all here.
i was driving down the street and saw these girls walking on the sidewalk. i was coming up from behind, just at normal speed with no change in anything.
but i had a very brief lustful thought (still about 25 yards away). one of them turned around immediately with a fierce scowl - like i was somekinda thug pervert up to no good.

now this is pathetic. and this has actually happened to me before. i'm observant and i can say i've never ever seen this happen to any other guy ever. ever. i don't think i ever will.
but this is the kinda crap i have to deal with. please someone pm me if you're advanced in the universal game.
my co workers have been as crude as you can get. the girls either ignore it, laugh or even flaunt. and what do i get, for just thinking?

now it just so happens that this very same ptb researcher addresses stuff similar to this. there really is this thought policing now.
i think it's both this and that i'm psychic or able to (unwantedly) broadcast my thoughts.
this is like a prison camp in every way now.

thanks for reading