[corsar-caribean]

hey lance.

actually, what is being described sounds similar to what i went through before. i don't know if what i have to add will help, but here goes.

if you have been going through this from childhood, it's likely that you are a rather powerful soul. otherwise no entity would have bothered to devote itself to you from such a young age. its/their job is to limit the amount and intensity of light that you are able to share with the world by keeping you focused on the negative as much as possible.

the trick that has worked for me is to remain as positive as possible, regardless of what is happening to me at that given moment; and to work hard to discipline myself to do those things that i need to do in order to make sure that i have the greatest opportunity to experience positives in my life (it's tough - due to lack of concern for the self, those of mostly positive orientation, perhaps like yourself, tend to lack the high levels of discipline that those of mostly negative orientation value so greatly, and they use this against us).

the trick is to combine the desire for discipline that the sts entity uses to serve itself with the intent and/or desire to use that discipline to help others. for example, maintaining regular meditation/visualization to bring your level of vibration up, or making sure to take proper care of the body (stos have the tendency to devalue care of the self, so we fall prey to health concerns comparably easily) and keeping a strong social support group around ourselves. and then making sure to return as much love (and you will have more to share with others) to those around you that you can.

so the goal to shoot for is to bring the best of both worlds together. in the meantime, i have found that including morning and evening prayers (you don't have to speak out loud, just say them in your head if you like) upon awakening and going to sleep to be helpful.

at night, i visualize a sphere of white light expanding out from my chest to protect me, then fill my room, then surround the house, then up, up, up until it surrounds the earth, pushing out any negative influences and holding them away from me and my loved ones (which, incidentally, includes everybody on earth at the present time). then i ask for any angelic entities that are available and willing to help to surround my bed while i sleep. i envision them, flaming swords in hand, standing guard, arm to arm in a ring around my bed. then i thank them for coming and fall asleep.

since my most severe attacks occurred during periods of overindulgence in alcohol, sexual activity, or depressive feelings, i have resolved to keep "moderation" and "self-control" as goals to strive for (which, oddly, is easier done for the alcohol and sex than the depression!) in these areas.

what else.. um. that's all i have for now. maybe if you have some more questions i can go into greater detail. cheers!