[Liabmeasez]

in this world, we are taught that to be happy, our circomstances must be perfect or as close to it as possible.

this always creates a 'chasing after happiness' effect and the end result is that you are never happy. the grass is always greener on the other side and some one else's life is always more perfect than your own. you always need the next new thing, the new circumstance, the new job, the new car... it goes on and on.

the hidden truth about happiness? be happy first, and your life will follow suit. in your daily meditations, begin to focus on a sense of appreciation for what you do have, not what you don't. your children are most likely the greatest blessing you have, appreciate them for what they are and the happiness they bring into your life.

again its a matter of focus, if you focus on the negative in your life, thats what will follow you around. if you learn to 'transmute' (as you said) those bad things into blessings you will be much happier. if you learn to be happy despite those things well your life will follow through. it may take some time, its most likely a lesson you must learn.

as far as finding a kindred soul mate, it is important to learn to love yourself first. how can you love and show appreciation for your significant other if you don't already know how to show that to yourself? also you cannot attract love by focusing on your lack of it.

i know often times i sound cynical, or preachy.. its really not what i mean to do, only offer advice. the truth is that i can only tell you, but your the one that has to learn this and thats the hard part. i feel for your pain, the pain of waking up and looking out into the world and realizing we are all alone and lonely, longing for the connection we feel we've lost.

that emptiness is the catalyst, the aching in your heart is your calling to open it and begin to see the connection between you and others. i've been a loner most of my life, stuck to myself, did my own thing, had a few friends but preferred my time alone... but that didn't keep me from feeling lonely. i think every one here can intuitively feel the chaos in you, the conflicting emotions, the pain of awakening. we are all here for you, you don't have to feel lonely any more! i'm sending you love! feel love for yourself and your life, it is precious in every way.

peace and love!
errol