[illignocearia]

hi amelie,

i have been a mom too they are probably a bit older than you are right now, but i do understand what you go thru as a woman with kids to raise and no time for yourself.

you said: i know it's only an illusion that we're "disconnected". and yet, i have to live in the "illusion" for time being, so i have asked the "universe" to send me the only one thing i really feel i want, that could help me to be happy. it's funny- i decide to sit down and write a list of all the things that could help me be happy, and this is the only thing i could write. a companion i can be truly compatible with. but what if this doesn't happen, for whatever karmic reason? i think that with your other explanations in that post, and this is only my opinion mind you, that this is not what you need in this incarnation. right now, what would make you more self-sufficient and bring up your self-esteem, is to go back and get your ged, if you never did that. then, enroll in a 2-year career course of your choice at some junior college in your area, or, whatever you are interested in. then you can have your own money.

it sounds to me as if your ex or whatever he is (no disrespect here meant really) doesn't want you to be confident and is using his power over you to keep you cornered (paying for things and keeping you dependent on him). no one can feel confident in that situation, so i imagine that if you go back to school, he is really gonna fuss. you need to go to the child support and make sure he is ordered to pay you, so this will help. now, this is always very scary for women, so please, please, if this is your case, contact your local abuse hotline and get advice. i am not a professional counselor, only very concerned for you and giving you virtual hugs all the time .

i apologize if i interpreted this wrong and rambled along like this, but just remember that i want you to be ok, and i am sure everyone else here on the forum feels the same. love, chris