[MpNelQTU]

hello everyone, i haven't posted much recently but i just wanted to share some of my recent experiences and hopefully receive some words of advice. i am 20 years old so i am young but not a child, but with the knowledge i have gained from this website i'm actually finding it very difficult to know where i want to go with my life. i'm a university student but i find my thoughts and actions being affected by 2012 every day. a part of me is excited about the prospect of ascension. another part of me is thinking that in this lifetime i am not going to have the opportunity of a full 3d experience, going out into the world of work and having a family and supporting that family. i am really having a great time at the moment. i've been meeting new people from all over the world and i've made some great friends. i believe that wrestling with the ego is very hard when you're young and i think that as people become older it is easier and easier to keep the ego in check. my problem is that i am enjoying being an individual at the moment, i regularly feel flattered when people praise me and i still find myself doing things to impress others.

it was only a few weeks ago, before i came back to university that i felt rather disillusioned with my life. since then, things have completely turned around through meeting great new friends and having great experiences. i have also met a girl that i really like in the past 2 weeks, and although she also has feelings for me, the fact is that she has a boyfriend at home. now that i know it can't work out with her even though i have very deep feelings for her, i find myself questioning why it always seems to happen to me with relationships. why am i attracted to so few girls in the romantic sense and then when i am there is some obstacle preventing me from being with that person. this is one of the ideas i find myself very attached to, the idea of romantic love. i have found myself almost panicking at the fact that i may only have 5 years to experience this in this physical body. another problem i have is a very strong attachment to close friends and family. i find it difficult to move on from relationships or the loss of loved ones. the thought of being physically separated from people close to me depresses me.

the way i've felt recently is that i'm going through a difficult stage of life at a time when all these great changes are occurring. i am feeling the effects physically as i am constantly tired and find it hard to get up in the morning and some days i feel like i would rather not think about classes or any obligations and instead do what i want to do. all though i have tried to cut it out, such is the nature of social occasions in england that i have been drinking considerable amounts of alcohol from time to time which is not helping. on the one hand i feel like i should be strong and not drink alcohol at all, but on the other i feel that i want to be 'normal' to a certain extent and enjoy the student life. my mother always tells me to 'enjoy it all while you're young, you will never do it again', which is right in a way but i am constantly thinking about 2012 and the fact that my life is unlikely to be the way i imagined it would be several years ago before i had any idea about ascension. i would really appreciate any advice on how to deal with the issues i've mentioned, thank you very much.