[Rexaviennatutr]

pardon my life history here, but it all seems interconnected. this seems like a good spot, since i identify with the wanderer ideal. since i have come to david's site and read about the ascension, i have been seeing a sort of a blue vortex in my minds eye, waiting, summoning.

good or bad entities?

there have been about 4 times in my life that i have felt really connected since the age of 13. i am 51 now. each time i have crashed and endured a series of incredible bad luck afterwards.

the first time , when i was 13 i dreamed of having knowledge, nothing esoteric, i just wandered what it would be like to know everything. that desire manifested into a philosophy which led me to believe that at my ripe age, i knew everything worth knowing. it was very profound considering that i had never read anything much about philosophy at that age; however, when i first learned to read at 5, i was fascinated with mythology books.

the philosophy had to do with eliminating dualities. basicly, to live in love, not to accept the reality of hate. i programmed my mind in this fashion and really freaky things started happening! synchronistic events began almost as fast as i could think of them. for example, i would think of a friend and there he was in traffic. it was almost as if what i was thinking was happening. my ego took off and i thought i had found the secret of the universe! eventually, reality reared it's ugly head and i realized that there was a real world out there. the fascinating thing was the incredible luck that i was experiencing. it was as if everything was going right. well, when i came down, i experienced the opposite-extreme bad luck!

the next time, i felt this way was when i fell in love physically. i had always been overweight and shed over 100 pounds. i know what it feels like to be famous, but i have never really done anything in the limelight. i would go places and people would line up to talk to me, which was strange. this was an unrequited love, so i really was out there, connecting with other people to get over the pain. i can't say that i ever had any bad luck here, but eventually i became so surrounded by negativity, that my flame slowly flickered to almost non-existant slowly for about five years.

then i fell in love again. this time it also didn't work out. it was hugely intense. more synchronicities. words and music started coming to me. i felt like i could almost ascend at any moment. this person made a pass at me and i refused. i have to gel on things. this is when it all hit me in an epiphany. no matter what i tried, she was hurt and she just wrote me off. well, eventually i had to leave town, so i went by to see her and i had this feeling or thought that if i just blew my brains out right there that she would know how much i was pining inside. it was just a thought, i'm not that impulsive. so i went out to a club to have a drink. it had been at least 7 years that i had been practicing temperance. when i got to the bar, the female bartender was the only one there. she told me that i reminded her of her last boyfriend; and get this---he blew his brains out in front of her! then she went on about how he had been a satanist. i am no satinist! the point is that this was another synchronicity that was literally telling me something. then the sychronicities started happening around her. i would run into her at the most bizzarre places. i finally left town and i was 300 miles away at a gas station and here she comes riding down the road. she didn't know i left and i didn't know she was out of town either. what are the odds of that?

before this, i started writing at her bar. i would be sitting next to someone and i would write a little poem about them on a cocktail napkin. i did this for fun for a few weeks;and then it got to be where when i walked in people would throw cocktail napkins at me. it seems that what i was saying struck chords and everybody wanted theirs. i started counting outright predictions about people and i was right consecutively for 17 times before i stopped. just little things like sun signs, pet names; etc. i got tired of it and was focusing on computer programming and became a hermit. my luck again faltered.

here we go again. i fall in love and it all happens again. now i get into tarot and it is remarkable how well the cards work. my son finds this illuminatti site and it says that if you want to join just think about them. this was a party so i made a joke out of it out loud and said ok, illuminatti contact me. they did. i was writing a cartoon for fun. i had not even put it on the web. i got an email from an international cartoon publisher with nothing but a picture of a spinx and the words, "how are you doing david?" well i didn't respond. this time when i came down i got put in a world of hurt. i was misled into a destructive marraige and my world fell apart again. i had constant bad luck for almost 2 years.

ok, so i get over all of that after about three years and one night i hear a faint voice in my head say "you will return to whole" oh boy. the next morning i find the girl i wanted to blow my brains out for on the internet after 14 years. i mention some song lyrics to her in an email. that day she is listening to a cd in her car and the cd ejects by itself and those exact same lyrics started playing from the radio! this amongst a ton of other synchronicities. we met and things again didn't work out. this was recently and now fate is once again slapping me everywhere i turn. incredible negative synchroniciites, like losing your money in a coke machine and then finding another coke machine and the same thing happening twice in a row with different machines.

regressing a bit and remembering when i was really young, i had unusual superstitions. once i felt as though i knew how many times i had rotated my body to the left and that i had to rotate right so many times to keep in balance. (lost track a long time ago!)

i have distinct memories back to less than one year old. i would only talk to my cousin in jibberish until the age of 4. my parents were starting to worry about me. even though my father was a medical doctor, i would not willfully take any kind of medicine. that seemed really foreign to me. i always felt that my body could heal itself naturally.

i grew up in a southern antebellum house(usa). when i was 3 years old, i had a dream where three blue luminescent orbs in a triangle circled the dining room table 3 times before coming towards me. i was paralyzed on the floor. i used to have to navigate along side of the dining room to get to the kitchen. i would run like hell to get past this room. i felt safe as long as soon as i got to the kitchen. it was as if this thing had to be near me to cause me to freeze. however; i always associated it with divinity.


i used to swear there was an alligator man in my closet. when i was 8, i saw a huge ufo. up until 17 i had 100% recall. in a near death vision, i was visited be my first love who died in fire a few years earlier. i will always remember her advice. i was meant to enjoy life; and, i was taking it too seriously.


i did not fit in at all as an adolescent. i always figured it was because i was such a nerd. so, i used my empathy and learned how to react to what i thought was the average adolescent in their own terms; and, i became quite popular. but it never worked for me. i was a part of every group and a member of none.

later in life, i learned how to answer questions with questions and i am still a good friend to people of all walks of life. some of my friends don't like that i hang out with other friends, because they are so different! it is hard for me to take a position one way or the other in this world. i see all sides of a situation. i have always seen the light in every human's eye and i have always known and said that we are all connected.

i am not too materialistic, even though i have had everything i ever really wanted. i travel a lot and possessions are a hinderance. i get tempted sometimes, but it is hard for me to do things for myself. it has to be for others and a beneficial situation.

i have dreamt that i can fly, drift across the floor without moving my feet kinda sliding, twice that i died and watched myself, and once that the moon became so big that it started dropping out of the sky. also, i get advice in my dreams that i never remember. i have had frequent occultic/paranormal experiences and coincidences that have blown the mind of anyone who really knows me. my brother says that it follows me around.

after my mother died, i came home one night and three jiggers from the bar were laid out in a straight line 15 ft apart along the living room floor. i slept in her bed one night and when i awoke the next morning, a huge love chest at the foot of the bed had been turned upside down. everything that was on top of it before looked like it had not been touched. it was as if the stuff levitated, the chest flipped over, and then the stuff lowered itself back into the same position. now, the most chilling thing for me and i know this is negative. the phone rings and i feel the worst presence of my entire life. on the other side of the phone is a goat that sounds as if it is being sacrificed. the horror went down my spine and into my feet! pure evil. after this , i went to school for three years and studied so hard that i left no room for anything but left brain science. many more paranormal things have happened on and off in my life.

i had one obe where i was headed to the center of the universe. what seemed like a few minutes was in fact a few seconds.

once someone got angry at me and i told them to keep their glock in the glove box--guess what? they had one there.

i hear music in my head. sometimes complete symphonies. finally, i am trying to learn a little theory and an instrument to get it out. sometime i feel that i am above the world and beyond it. i have a place in the sky called davespace where i can go, thats all mine and it is absolutely beautiful. i can entertain myself anywhere as long as it's not hot! i have always felt like i have a calling and that i can change the world, even though i know it is futile. for me alone anyway. the spiritual feeling has been with me as long as i can remember.

the reason that i am writing this is because i don't know if i am blessed or if i am cursed. getting mixed signals. i choose the right hand way, but it seems that the higher i ascend the harder i fall.



dave