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beloved jax and kenneths--
i'm observing within myself and outside of myself a lot of collisions of the dark and the light (polar aspects). the collisions--it's pretty traumatic out and in there--are actually seeming to be meldings (integration of the dark and light together) which seems to create a trampoline from which to jump off of into new potentials of beingness--new stories for humanity never possible before.
jax--i know it must feel like pure h-e-double toothpicks right now with your family, but just trust yourself, breathe and observe the momentum of the moment. look deeper than the surface wreck. i had to allow myself to feel and think very dark just the last couple weeks--i was overly balanced towards and holding myself to being light and being tortured. after allowing all of me in a safe space--i was alone--to let those awful, painful thoughts to pass through me and thus finally be released i suddenly saw that a lighthouse has no use in the daylight.
i was afraid of the evil within me for fear that if i allowed it to even be thought or felt would unleash something in me that would harm everyone and everything i loved or hated in the moment. i wasn't allowing myself to blame or accuse or "be a victim" and because of that i was lovingly being victimized over and over again until i finally let myself accuse--be dark, even if only in the company of myself.
compassion told me to go there, plus the understanding i came to on my own in my own way (which it will be for each and every individual) that because i saw everyone outside of me as me, i knew that to hurt anyone was to really hurt myself. all is one. thus i finally trusted my intention. i allowed myself to be dark out of love, not fear.
and miracles and joys beyond belief have been steadily happening since.
with great love, appreciation and compassion for your timely posts,
penny