[MackBranon]

your words resonate deeply with me.

what your looking for in so many words is a subjective experience to validate your ideas about the world and god and your spiritual path.

at one point i was a christian, i no longer consider myself as such as i do not prescribe to the notion that salvation is needed, and thus no need for a savior. while that may seem blasphemous to some of the faith, my path up to this point is worth mentioning.

circumstances in my life had forced me to reevaluate the nature of right and wrong. at the time i had also finished the voyages series by robert monroe and also astral dynamics by robert bruce. you see, both of these talked about seeing the nature of spirituality in a different way, from a subjective standpoint rather than a theoretical one. instead of simply believing in faith these people had seen and experienced things that made it clear you didn't necessarily have to take things only on faith.

at one point, i had also considered giving up christianity. after a short search on the net i realized that there were others who had left the faith and had not been 'abandoned' by god, or cursed, or etc. however, it seemed that they went strait from not believing in christianity to being atheist. i didn't feel that was right either. just because i didn't know the truth didn't mean that god didn't exist.

so there i was, wandering the net trying to find answers about the how and what and why of the universe. after reading some other books, i began to accept myself as i am, flaws and all. i still need work, but we all do and our path is often just resolving those things piece by piece. i think my real turning point was in realizing that the search for god outside ourselves is hopeless, it puts a distance between us and god. that is where i think christianity is distorted in some respects, always putting something between you and god, faith, sin, guilt, salvation, etc. there is always something between you and him there.

however the real truth seems to be that he is us, we are him. there is no separation, not between him and not between us. look inside yourself to find the faith your looking for. look there to find the answers. trust in yourself and god to make your way clear. in the end it all works out, no matter how long that may take.

i notice that now that i have pulled away from that belief system (and there is nothing wrong with it, there are still things that people can and must learn while they are there, otherwise it would not exist.) i find that i have lost my crisis of faith. god seems more real to me now than before. i don't question his existence, i don't need to. i don't always have the answers i need, i don't always know the next step to take. some times i just have bad days when the negative thoughts won't quit, but i trust that all is well despite that.

i haven't had my subjective experience yet, i haven't had the empirical proof to prove anything. i can say i don't know and feel fine, the answers will come in their own time. how can you know any of this is real? the short answer is you can't, not at least while your in this body, in this distortion. what you can do is trust yourself to correct your way when you need it. trust that even though you don't know, a part of you really does know. just be patient while you meditate and listen.

if you still want empirical subjective evidence, you can get that too, but it takes a little more work in the realms of out of body experience or remote viewing. if your really lucky like dw and some others, when your ready your experiences will come to you. have faith and be patient.