[MpNelQTU]

hi clayman,

i would just like to say i'm in a very similar position to you- i'm also 20 and i experience a lot of the same problems with the youth culture- especially here in england where everyone just seems to go out to get drunk and be wild which is not my scene at all and it never has been. for a while i tried to just go along with it to try to 'fit in' but i realise that that is rather pointless as i never enjoyed doing those kind of things. those nights out where everyone drinks as much as possible just seem to be tailor-made for the ego. everyone goes out and dresses to impress, and they all spend huge amounts of money on alcohol and then can barely remember what happened when they wake up with a headache in the morning! you're not going crazy, that kind of thing is not for everyone. my parents find it strange that i avoid doing the things that 'every young person does' but what can you do? if it's not for you it's not for you. just keep doing the things that make you happy.

if you're feeling like that while meditating then surely that means that it's working. achieving feelings that are 'beyond words' is surely what everyone is aiming for when they meditate. if you want to be real then it is real.