[ENGINESSQ]

maybe this from yogananda "the second coming of christ, vol 2" will help you. i know it did me:
"when a soul contacts the holy vibration (as st.john heard this voice or sound like a trumpet) and feels this ever new joy in it and then deliberately reverts to an inharmonious life, he has to suffer the consequences of his actions in the form of a corroding inner restlessness and state of mental destruction. no one can commit any blasphemy against the holy ghost who does not know it first as the cosmic sound heard in meditation. if after listening to this cosmic sound, one deliberately leads an inharmonious life, he cannot be saved from reaping the result of his bad karma. a person ignoring the intuitional guidance of this cosmic sound in meditation has to work out his own karma of an inharmonious life and distracted mind.
all kinds of physical and mental errors can be dispelled or their fruition modified by the help of great souls but no one can remove the restlessness of a distracted devotee who blasphemes against his perception of cosmic vibration and bliss. by deliberate deeper acts of meditation he must remove his restlessness in order to regain his bliss consciousness and vibratory contact of god or holy ghost. it is clearly evident that all kinds of errors performed by individuals can be more or less destroyed by their own efforts and the blessings of great masters, but no master can give a soul the contact of cosmic vibration and joy of meditation unless he forsakes his restlessness by his own effort of will. that is what is meant by blasphemy against the holy ghost not being forgiven. those that blaspheme against seeking the vibratory contact of god cannot be forgiven by anybody else and must make their own effort to regain the contact of holy spirit by deep meditation." nina