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i am a bit worried right now, i am experiencing un-attached subconcious aggresive impulses and fear. thing is is that i am a completely tame person, been meditating for quite a few years now and this just isnt me.

it comes in waves, like my subconcious is pushing up bubbles of pure concentrated fear, which feels dark, aggressive, and empty and makes my heart heavy and i get shakey and very sick, like i want to throw up.

i want to get rid of it, but it seems impossible, it effects my head, hands, and feet, my hands and feet feel like they just want to smash something. i fear mostly that its transforming me into something i don't want to be, morphing my mind and emotions.

theres only a few things i can imagine that it could be.

1.) suppressed emotional trauma from my childhood (i have alot of past abuse and trauma). but its never seemed to effect me, in fact it never bothers me like ever.

2.) might be silly but i did a ouijii board once or twice, but it was along time ago.

3.) years ago i was watching a derek acorah show, and i said something that basically challenged spirits and ghosts, because i didnt believe in them, i basically said if they exists "bring it on" sort of thing. that night is when this whole thing started.

but i havnt had it for years, meditation seemed to have cured it, but it seems to have come back for no reason whatsoever.


4.) maybe i am pushing my meditation too far, i have a habit of pushing it a bit when it comes to trying to accomplish certain things during meditation.

if anyone can offer any all knowing wisdom i would be greatly appreciative, and going to the doctors or psychiatrist doesnt work as i have already done that, they scanned my head, asked the questions, and gave me a diagnosis of perfectly healthy. well im sorry but this isnt normal, its terrifying for me.

thanks a bunch! )

jeremy