[lmHVYs8e]

well, by my smilie, you should know that indeed things are better. i'll spare you the complete details of what happened and why, but i felt myself slipping deeper into "negative" and needed a hand to get out. kinda like quicksand i guess. the past few months my emotions have been relatively stable, but this last go around was more intense.

your loving thoughts really helped propel me out - i knew i would have to get through this on my own and understand the lessons from it, but i refuse to slip too deep for too long - i think at that point the lesson gets mired in fog. the "strength" of these negative emotions were beyond anything i've had in years. hence the reason for asking - i needed that extra boost and i cannot express how grateful i am to have gotten it from you all. without a doubt your supportive energies allowed me to propel through something that would have normally taken longer to get through. i know time is illusory, but the longer this would have went on, the more "damage" would have been done. i've come a long way since awakening, and a huge part of my growth has been through participation in this forum. i love you all.

i will share what i believe the catalyst for this recent experience to be. my fiance and i took a road trip to the midwest to visit my new nieces for the first time. unfortunately my family back home is materialistic and pretty sts oriented. as people mentioned about experiencing and observing, i observed my older sister to be practically void of happiness. i understand work and two young children are stressful, but my gosh... i felt alot of compassion for her (worry too, which i "channeled" back to compassion) - she tried to "run" the weekend and when things didn't go "her way" you could sense her frustration from essentially a lack of control. anyway, i didn't allow it to get me down while i was there - quite the contrary. i found this to opporunity to offer to help out and in general, be positive and loving. a side note, i'm growing my hair out to donate it to locks of love - on two separate occassions people said i looked like jesus - yikes! off all things i've heard about my curly "hippie" hair, that comment makes me uncomfortable (but is also a great compliment when you think about it...). my uncle said i should have told them to go to church, which we all got a chuckle from. anyway, upon returning is when things got a little crazy...

i will also share that a few hours after posting this thread i suddenly "came out" (remember i mentioned i was already feeling better just by writing the request for help). i released any anger and sadness that i had at the time and pretty much came back to normal and fast - no lingering negative emotions. it didn't take long for the love to spread throughout the household which is always nice. that night i had a wonderful meditation - a nice connection to my higher self which ranks up there as one of my most powerful exchanges. i had some clear visions of light (obe?) and wonderful "incoming messages" of support, and guidance. i've found it difficult to focus lately and really quiet the mind - i think my ego is "resisting" at times. and, i suffer from some strange feelings in my chest (essentially palpitations) just prior to slipping into deep meditation, which is a huge distraction, but i've found that when i break through, everything is hunky-dory; by allowing fear to subside, i'm able to transcend to that special place of peace and calm, where i'm fully aware on those higher levels of consciousness. i've seen some others post along these lines with abnormal feelings in their chest, so again, we are experiencing similar things.

that's really all i can share on this entire experience without writing a book - like i said, good to "be back", living in the now and experiencing oneness again. :d hopefully this experience of mine will compel you to ask help if and when you need it - we're here for each other. i'm still working out the "fine" details of this latest experience, but for the most part, have identified the lessons... again, thank you - i sincerely appreciate all you have done for me, and not just recently. since i joined this awesome place for advancement i've learned to connect with a great source of loving energy, off which we all contribute and draw upon. i'm truly honored to be a part of this group of awakened and enlightened souls. we're on this journey together and i look forward to continuing onward into this bright future we are co-creating with all the loving souls who are playing the game with us. and, if we can inspire a few to join us along the way, great! no one said it was gonna be easy, but the road can be less bumpy if we choose it to be.

art