[LSDDSL]

this is a slightly different tangent, but still enough on-topic to add, i hope.

lately i've been reading scott mandelker's books about being "from elsewhere," and how this sort of identity can affect one's experience of being in the world. as i sink into scott's writing (which is very clear and intelligent), i find myself relaxing into this possibility being true of me. i find myself remembering an early experience as a pre-teen in which i was contacted in a dream by a glowing ball of light. it gracefully flew in front of me and silently "asked" if i wanted to become one with it. after a split-second, i said, "yes," and merged into the light, to dissolve in a feeling of simple well-being and love.

so simple was this experience, and so early on in my life, that only now, 30 years later, nearing the eve of earth's ascension, do i recall that dream visit with clarity and appreciation. in particular, i appreciate the detail in which i am asked first if i want to merge with the glowing presence.

mandelker discusses in universal vision how wanderers may be uniquely called to such direct "close encounters" due to the fact that for a wanderer, such a visit does not entail a violation of free will as it otherwise would to a specifically earth-incarnated human being.

regarding the anxiety about being contacted directly that you have so bravely expressed, floyd, it occurs to me how my own lifelong quest to remember my starborn identity has been hampered along the way by a huge need to feel like i belong here, despite my obvious "weirdness" as a wanderer. i have spent my life trying to not stand out in this regard, sensing at some level that it's important i blend in with my surroundings imperceptibly, and to crank down mightily against admitting this possibility even to myself!

i wonder if part of your anxiety might have to do with some similar part of you in kind maybe not wanting to blow its cover before its time?

the side-tangent i want to bring to this discussion is how i have noticed since reading mandelker's books that a part of me has been trying my whole life to belong to the world in a way that has intrinsically failed. now i think i may have discovered why! it's because i belong elsewhere, and i know it. this recognition frees me substantially from enacting this longing in relation to the people i know here -- people who by and large are either not able to welcome me as i am (a wanderer), or not ready to. further, i am freed to stand in the world as i am while knowing i do not belong here in the way i think i'm supposed to. this consideration seems to open up huge possibilities for self-acceptance that i now see i had given up on long ago.

the existential challenge of being a wanderer in this world and in this particular time and place is very real. i had to drop out of graduate school over a year ago and literally spend the last 18 months wandering in the world, not knowing my place here, before i was ever ready to consider the real significance of being a wanderer myself as we approach the possibility of planetary lift-off.

anything we can do to encourage ourselves and each other to open up to our full cosmic identity in ways that ground us that much more in our experience of being in the world is of immense value. for my own understanding is that our identity is itself the opening to the light and love of being that we came here to help anchor and conduct into the planet. the more we can rest in the truth of who we feel ourselves to be, wanderers or otherwise, the more available we may feel to rest openly in the increasing influx of light and love without inner-conflict.

thanks for writing from a place of real vulnerability, floyd.

chris