[Haftdrarp]

Hi Jasper,
Sorry, when people reply an email goes to my spam and I don't know I've had a reply. Thought I'd sorted it out.
Anyway I do hear negs but it's not just negs, the others I hear are as they put it "good people"! Heard a neg very clear & loud last night, loud almost shouting, louder than others, "you don't know what could happen next" said in a threatening tone sort of gives me an idea it's a neg!
Seriously though I can tell the difference when it's a neg, almost straight away. So not dominantly negs talking to me, the others talk to me more & at times warn me there on their way. Like last night.
I'm looked upon by them as unusual, a lot of the reason this has taken place. My reactions & understanding(or not understanding the true intent) is seen as a bit of a challenge to the negs. A bit shocking almost to them, when I was supposed to be afraid, I've been fascinated.
Last night they said before the comment above "almost impossible to frighten her". The reason for this for me is because I refuse to have threats etc dominate my life, my mind etc. I'm afraid I've responded in the past like "bring it on then!" No way am I going to let them have that power over me.
I wish it was all rosy n nice & everyone who spoke to me was good but it goes with the territory I think.
I can't turn it off so have to deal with it the best way for me.
As far as causing unbalance in my life, yes I suppose it has at times, have broken down in a heap in the past, caused lots of problems, so that's why I'm where I am today with it. I will not let that happen again. (I'm a bit stubborn and have a will of iron myself!)
What do they want? Control I think, to be able to manipulate me, try to frighten, anger me, so they can gain from feeding off my emotions. One of them says he is my father! Why can't I remember etc. One who first came here admitted he was here to cause upset, was shocked by my reaction, everyones frightened off him etc and he said he started to feel 'stable' here was the word he used. He invited others to 'meet me'. It has caused a lot of attention from ones I'd prefer not to be having. It's a long story, been happening for 4 years now so sorry to waffle, hard to just say one or two things to explain it all.
So I plod on & take it as it comes. Well don't just take it! I just try to handle things in a way that keeps me in some control and sanity just about remains.
Hope I've explained it better & not confused you by my ramblings!