[VtLe67WR]

Hi, Everyone. This is my first post. I have been an avid reader of Mr. Bruce's books ever since a little after the experiences I'm about to relate from several years ago. Then just recently I read PPSD and got to thinking "I wonder if he's got a website?". What a wonderful surprise! I had no idea I'd find such a supportive and thriving community.

These experiences happened more than 15 years ago, but I still think about them and feel that their intensity has something to do with the fading of OBEs over the intervening years. I'm hoping you can offer some additional perspective, as I have found a few of my own and tend to waver between these as far as what to make of the experiences.

A little backstory

A few days before the spontaneous OBEs I'd been sitting looking into a large mirror. I focused on my eyes and went into a trance state. I wondered about that spark I saw in my eyes. It was me, but also not me... As I thought about this I seemingly approached Source (God) and ha a conversation with it. I learned that it needed me as much as I needed it --the parts of the whole and the whole with its parts-- and it was very glad I'd stopped by for a chat.

After this experience I was still sitting on the floor and got to feeling out around me. I could feel beyond the walls and started thinking If only i could see through the walls; if only walls didn't exist and have to break up everything into these rectangular compartments.

That night as I was lying in bed I said a prayer of sorts. It went something like "Dear God, my Higher Self, my Brain even, whichever part is listening and may be able to assist me... I want to be able to see more than my limits currently allow." I reasoned that fear of the unknown was probably one of the most powerful limiters, so I threw in another bit about how if overcoming my fear was necessary, I was ready to deal with that.

Spontaneous OBE

This same (or nearly same) experience happened several times. I'd be lying in bed and as soon as I slipped hypnagogic I became paralyzed (sleep/waking paralysis) and I felt a tingling in my third eye area. This tingling would build and tickle until I almost couldn't stand it. Then it would pulse. It felt very much like an implosion. This happened rhythmically --building, building, PULSE-- over and over, faster and faster, until POP! I was in a different place.

I could feel/see in all directions around me as I flew through a voidlike realm. I say voidlike, but there was obviously various clouds and concentrations of energy all around, with large space between them. I tested the feel/sight by extending it farther around me and picked up on a large concentration. Immediately I could tell it was another being so I zipped right over to it.

Right next to the being was a doorway of some kind. I couldn't *see* it, I just knew it was there; I could Feel it. The entity communicated with me telepathically. It said, "This is where you want(ed) to go." Then after a pause it added (as an afterthought, it seemed), "but you may not be able to come back". I knew it meant back to my usual daily life, but not exactly what it meant by saying that. Why was it warning me?

As I lingered there pondering my options, I suddenly felt a strong pull. My first thought was that the entity was pulling me and trying to force me through the doorway. I fought to resist the pulling. It got stronger and stronger. I have never felt a sensation like this: that I was fighting for my very soul. At some point I was feeling exhausted and that I couldn't hold out any longer, but I had to. Then it stopped and POOF! I was back in my body, in bed. I jumped up and paced around trying to get my head around what had happened.

For a period of a few weeks this would happen several times. Some times along with the pulsing sensation I would hear old 1930s music as though coming through an old radio. I also began experimenting with the pulsing energy. I noticed that I could will the next pulse to happen, and that doing so sped up the building-to-pulse process. It got to where it didn't tickle unbearably, but just felt very good.

The same struggle part also happened on each successive doorway OBE. It got to where I was scared to go to sleep because of the struggle part and also because the paralysis was not pleasant. I'd feel myself slip toward paralysis and I'd force my body to move and stay up all night to avoid the paralysis and spontaneous OBEs.

Then one night I decided why not? I'd just go through the door. But this time when I got to the other frequency I flew over to the location where I'd met the entity and doorway but neither one was there. So I pointed myself in the direction toward where the doorway had been and kept going until I ran up against an energy barrier. It sort of hummed and bounced me back when I bumped against it. I gave it a good couple of tries, flying farther away and zooming at it, but it only bounced me back that much harder.

Then these OBEs stopped happening.

Some of my takes on these experiences

My gut was sure the struggle was the entity trying to pull me through the doorway, but afterward I thought maybe I was still dealing with my own fear about going to some other/unknown place. Here's where the internal debate builds. But why did the entity force me when I was fine with sitting a moment to think about the options? Then it occurred to me that perhaps my fear of that unknown caused a feedback reaction from some aspect more body-side of the spectrum, which caused the pulling sensation. Maybe the pulling was just returning to my body. It makes sense to me that consciously traveling through the layers back to my body from one so far removed could feel like the thick, hard struggle I'd experienced. It even made sense that toward the end it started feeling so much more impossible --the closer and more enmeshed in denser reality I got. I also had a theory that perhaps these experiences were a sort of acting out my reservations about OBE altogether, that it was more of an internal (I realize that 'higher' realms are more internal, but I guess I'm saying more of an internal mindscape, similar to the one where I can see all my knowledge in interconnecting balls of info) realm where I was acting out deciding if I wanted to have OBEs and the doorway might be a doorway to more of a realtime OBE type of experience.

I did go on to have a couple of shorter OBEs where I was in my room and could see everything giving of its own glow. Everything was much brighter than normal and everywhere I looked cast light in that direction, as though there were a soft spotlight behind my head aimed forward. I also experienced dual consciousness and a bit of the fear talked about in AD when I first sensed the 'other me'. Sometimes when I was lying in bed paralyzed I could see a concentration of energy. Then I would be the energy, seeing the room as mentioned above, then --back and forth, with brief moments of dual consciousness.

So it seems the doorway OBE was a build up to the others. But the pulling sensation and battle is what still bothers me. It was the worst feeling I've ever experienced. I hadn't even ever thought of things in terms of 'souls', yet in the moment of battle, I knew I was fighting for my very being / my soul. At the time I didn't have any thought or worries about negative entities and such, but since I've had some experiences along these lines and I can't completely put the thought to rest that perhaps I was dealing with some kind of neg trying to lure me somewhere I really didn't want to go. Maybe this is thinking about it too much, but I wonder about the 'or whoever is listening and can help me' portion of the prayer that started all the doorway OBEs.

I'd really appreciate some perspectives from others. Thanks for reading this far