[heilyprollecyspor]

Thanks everyone for

the words of encouragement.

Also, I agree with MobleyC57... we need to learn to love

ourselves first.

Believe me, I'm a lot better off than I was five or especially ten years ago. I

attribute it to a combination of self-hypnosis and "mind programming" CDs and daily meditation. That's one reason

I'm so interested in behavioral modification CDs. Ten years ago, I was reading a lot of self-help books. A question

on a date about my spirituality led to my discovery of Deepak, which led to Wayne Dyer, which led to my learning

meditation from Siva Baba, whom Dyer dedicated a book to under the name Sri

Guruji Pillai. I give most of the credit to Baba's meditations. I no longer read as much self-help as I did,

probably not even a book a year anymore. I still enjoy the "brainwashing" CDs though. I'm doing a lot better than I

was, but there are still down days, like most people have.

I wonder if the self-esteem issues are why I like

products like Chikara and Realm. They both make me feel better about myself and Chikara makes me feel more like a

"babe magnet" because I feel more attractive while wearing it and I seem to get a lot of friendly looks from women

with it.

I consider myself lucky that I can live with my parents while I pay off my debt. I have a shelter

over my head and I'm fed. Mom's cooking helps a lot with my ten hour work days (almost twelve if you count lunch

and the commute). If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be living on der Weinersnitzel and Taco Bell fast food. It's

not a complete free ride as I do pay some rent and all my other expenses.

Sometimes there's tension due to

the close quarters, but I'd rather be living with family than unhappy in a wrong relationship. Something that

almost happened once. About a month after the woman told me she'd ruin my life if I stayed around, like she did to

all her other men, she announced she was pregnant. Though we made out several times, something in the back of my

mind told me that sex would be dangerous. I'm sure glad I listened to my brain in my head instead of the one in my

groin.

In today's economy, there are so many families where both the husband and wife work just to live at

the same standard that people did in the 1960s and '70s. And there are a lot of young married couples with children

moving back to live with one of the sets of parents. My mom's brothers didn't live at home in the small town in

Nebraska where they're from. But they bought houses directly next door to the house they grew up in, where their

parents lived until they died.