[xanonlinexan]

**AFTERWARD**

sun shines through the window
making the mattress hot
i lay in bed
and look at her next to me
she\'s smiling
peaceful
in love
i feel worthless, now
it wasn\'t supposed to be about love
i just met her
the mattress is damp
cold where the wet spot was
it\'s distracting
now
she rolls over
touches my hair with loving strokes
i return the touches
with expertly faked sincerity
i roll her onto her back
and i proceed to sweat once again
deeper this time
harder
with less care
she\'s grabbing my back
in mock ecstasy
maybe it\'s real
but i don\'t care
all i care about is me
as i finish
i collapse
my chest sticking to hers
i pull myself off
and roll onto the side of her
i\'m satisfied in one way
unsatisfied in so many others
i turn away in disgust
at myself
at her
at what we have
and of what we have done
with her
i\'m always disgusted
afterward
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-xxxPantero
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based on a true story and feeling.