[Gastonleruanich]

I want (in random order):

1a) Kim Clijsters returns to competitive tennis.
1b) Justine stays away.
2) Venus to win the French/Wimbledon double (no, I have NOT been drinking)
3) A major title for Safin and a return to the top 10.
4) A major title for Dementieva.
5) The rapid demise of Roadkill.
6) Someone else besides Nadal to win the men's French Open title--probably Federer. That major is getting severely boring on the men's side.
7) The Paszeks get it together.
8) Larry Scotty resigns in disgrace after it's revealed that he prostituted himself to tournament officials, mostly Canadians.
9) Andy Murray wins Wimbledon.
10) Lindsay wins Indian Wells and then announces her second pregnancy in her post-match presser.
11) Max Mirnyi quits tennis for full-time fishing and spares us the agony of his matches.
12) Nole's parents are suddenly struck with a bizarre case of chronic muteness.
13) Alexandra Stevenson leaves tennis after landing the lead role in the off-Broadway adaptation of "The L Word".
14) Marion Bartoli becomes a nun.
15) In a drunken stupor, Justin Gimelstob makes a pass at Chanda Rubin, she castrates him, and he is summarily fired from Tennis Channel because all he can talk about on air is which guy is wearing the prettier outfit.