Monday, Sept. 19. Wt: 262.2 Loss: .8 , Total loss: 10.1 pounds!!!!!!! in 10 days!!!!! If no one else will celebrate this loss, I Will!!!! I got “outed” last night at a friend's birthday party. I asked the hostess to hold out some salad before dressing it with wonderful, oily, salty blu cheese dressing. She asked why, I remarked that I was just trying to watch what I was eating, and another friend who knew I was on a diet (did not know which, and I had told her I did not want everyone knowing) chimed in with my bing on a diet and doing good. This lead to a conversation about the diet. I said I had lost almost 10 pounds in 9 days. My sil asked if I was walking daily, I said no, it was not encouraged at this time. the hostess asked if I was doing hCG. I said yes, she asked if I was doing it at the clinic. I said no, I could not afford that and that I was using hhCG and that was one of the packages delivered to my sil's house. This lead to a brief discussion about why I was not loosing 2 pounds a day (advertising hype), the struggle I have had keeping my caloric intake down because of the original drops I had been taking, and how someone else had tried it (did not sound successful). I tried to explain the program, and was essentially cut of. In sum, I did not feel supported at all. Rather, I felt like, because I was not loosing 2 pounds a day, no one believed I was serious and that I was not successful. This is why I did not want to come out of the hCG closet with my family. They judge me so terribly because of my weight....I know I am an embarrassment to them (at least to my sil), and if this does not work (God forbid), it will only underscore how much of a lazy, fat, slob I really am (in their minds) I felt like what I had done, my decision, my struggle, my hopes were discounted and minimized. The hostess did gastric bypass several years ago, lost 100+ pounds, had encouraged me to do it (I don't want it and cannot afford it), and is pretty smug about her size 4 body although she has no shape at all and looks like a deflated balloon. While she has had a face lift, her skin hangs on her arms and legs. I can only imagine what her belly looks like. My sil walks almost every day and is on and off diets all the time (she is petite and and even 10 pounds extra is obvious). Both of these women are highly critical when it comes to weight (both are in the retail fashion industry) and I don't want to feel like they are watching me. Because they will watch me for signs of failure rather than signs of success. Me, fat all my life. Struggled with weight since high school when I started doing amphetamine diet pills and the grapefruit diet (at the same time had an ulcer and was supposed to be on a bland diet). I dieted on an off through my 20's and 30's, finally deciding to just eat healthy foods and limit sweets and other stuff. My weight stayed stable until I entered surgical menopause at 42, then the weight began to creep on until I had gained 25 pounds to my pre-hCG weight. Now, I am loosing again with hope that I can reset my metabolism so I can keep the weight off for the rest of my life. I know I will have to be true to program and will not be able to go back to unrestricted eating. I will be able to enjoy the occasional treat, such as a small slice of birthday cake (which I did not have last night, thank you very much!) But, once I am at goal, I will enter maintainence and keep daily watch on my weight to ensure creep does not happen. But it is my choice, my struggle, and I am trying to reach out to people who can be supportive in a POSITIVE way. People who will celebrate my struggles and successes without questioning why I am not doing better. I know why I am not doing better, I can be my own worst critic. I don't need help in being critical, particularly from people who have not done hCG successfully. I will reach out to hCG vets when I need help in being more successful. I need people to remind me of what I am doing right, that I am successful every day I loose weight, and if I stall, that I am successful for keeping with the program. I need people to help cheer the fact that the scale moved down another .2 pounds, not disqulify that success because it was not 2 pounds. I am choosing who I share my journey with, and choosing people who can be positive. That is why I am sharing this story with you now. Being fat is hard, and dieting is hard. True support makes the dieting easier and being fat harder. If you need support, you can ask for it from me. I will not judge you, I will celebrate your successes, and I will try to boost your attitude. I can do this, we can do this.