[PriniMai]

I used to be a cheater and I think that all the victims here can gain help from people like me and (more importantly) offer help to the cheaters that truly wish to recover. I know there are a few people on these forums that already think that I'm scum and I have no chance of recovery. That's fine. It doesn't bother me. But I do want to express my appreciation for all of your opinions on my situations. The anger and pain that I read in your posts as well as the responses to my own are great reminders of what I did and what I'm trying to avoid.

Cheating is wrong, and the people that do it might be sick or they might just not understand a few things. Do I think we should be punished for what we've done? Yes, absolutely. Do I think that the verbal lashings and desire to degrade people like me is necessary? No. It probably does more bad than good. I know that there are people that have come here and do not care to recover. People that don't feel remorse or guilt for the things that they've done, and for those people: I apologize. It's because of those guys that you don't trust the words of someone that truly does wish to change and instead just belittle and torment them.

You of course have your right to that. I am not trying to tell you that you do not. I am simply suggesting that maybe trying to help them understand the pain they've caused, or understand what could help them grow would be better. Yes, that means you have to open yourselves up and offer intimate and thoughtful suggestions. You would request the same things in your moments of pain and loneliness. Granted, we (the cheaters) have done bad things and hurt people that WE SAID we loved (don't want to insult anyone here). That affords us pain and loneliness, but would you wish that on yourself, or a brother or sister, maybe a friend who cheated (but it didn't involve you or your lover in anyway)? Some people deserve to be listened to and helped.

Of course, I'm one of these people that would like the help from any of you that are willing to offer it. My opinion might be biased but the origins are from a place in me that believes that all people are capable of great things, we just lose our way sometimes.

I'm sure there are alcoholics or drug addicts on this website that don't want to use again. I'm sure there are victims of all of those here as well. But doesn't it make sense to think that we can all learn from each other? Yes, I want to cheat still. Yes I do. But I WILL NOT DO IT. I cannot. When I think of another woman, honestly, I pray. I do not want to be who I was and I don't want to hurt my girlfriend the way that I did. I don't want to hurt anyone like that again. Those secrets and lies are poisonous and they eat away at your soul.

I want to be helpful to anyone here if I can be. I would like it if everyone was more helpful to EVERYONE. I know I'm part of the group of people that hurt you but from the bottom of my heart: I'm sorry. I am still learning and growing and I am understanding what your pain is like. It's good for us (cheaters) to understand that. It puts things in perspective.

I guess all I'm saying is, if someone is lost or hurt and wants to change, why would you turn them away when you can help them? Why don't we all just try to help each other?