[bashansasasasa]

Kraft. I was married 14 years. I adored my husband. I mean...ADORED him. Not only did I love him, but I felt such tenderness for him. I wished him only the best and worked hard at our relationship.

I was in love with him the day he went for groceries and I discovered (thanks to the internet) that I didn't know him at all. That was terrible...this knowledge that I did not know him intimately. In an instant, he became a stranger. My marriage became an illusion. The last 5 years, the period of time he'd been cheating, became a lie.

HE walked in with his groceries and I said: "Who the feck is [insert name of prostitute]?"

And I felt like I'd been hit in the gut. I"d never felt that much pain...and I kicked him out that day. It almost ruined me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And the pain..it got worse before it got better (but it did get better, folks!!). And soon after that D-day, I would discover that the depth of his betrayal was more than I ever could have imagined possible. He makes Tiger Woods look like good husband.

To answer your questions.

Yes, I did think: WHY didn't I leave him sooner? I thought this because, in hindsight, I could see that when I had been sick...his withdrawal was not a coping mechanism...it was abandonment. Maybe I was too sick to see it. I don't know. But I sometimes think I purposely did not see what I was not well enough to handle. I wish I had looked closer. It was only 4 months into my wellness that I did look. I didn't like the answer.

Do I regret kicking him out? NO. Not at all. But I am still filled with a type of sadness. I still miss who I THOUGHT he was. And I still mourn the life I had worked so hard to build that won't happen.

Do I ever have doubts? NO. Just anxiety over this life I have that I don't always know how to live. I wasn't prepared for it (like all of you..I didn't develop the skill set to deal with this).

But I am doing so much better now than I was when I first discovered the infidelity and I know my future is going to be fantastic. It's been about 1.5 years and I have a pretty rockin life. There is still a sadness that I feel, but my life is better without him. I know that.

KitKat