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**inownsuipsy** · 09-22-2010, 10:15 PM

Does my heart good to see young people taking on the cause of the breed while using proper spelling and grammar. Hopefully, you can change a few minds or prevent the negative media reports from making your classmates into Pit Bull haters.

Good luck with your paper

Thank you.

I've had this counter argument for the breed in my head for a long time, but never had the opportunity to actually utilize it.. So even though my English teacher will probably throw my paper in the trash after she grades it,
I am definitely going to keep working on the typed version I have in my laptop and I hopefully will get to use it to promote the breed and circulate the truth once I go into Journalism, or something like that.

---------- Post added at 03:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:07 PM ----------

As long as it is persuasive and not informative, 'you' is perfectly acceptable. You want to be able to address your audience on a personal level, and you can't do that by addressing them informally.
Now, in an informative essay, you are STRICTLY writing facts. There is no room for opinion, biases, or persuasion.
The fact-opinion fallacy is unfortunately under-taught and is used in many 'professional' papers writing to 'professional' peers. It's very easy to make this mistake in both informative and persuasive essays.
Make sure all of your facts are simply that- facts. Facts are proven, tested, and universal. You cannot debate a fact. Opinions cannot be proven, and are where debates can arise. Now, facts can be the basis of the debate, but cannot be manipulated based on one's bias.
Also, try to avoid the word "thing". Descriptions are HUGE in persuasive essays, and can make the difference between someone reading a word and someone truly FEELING what you meant in your writing. The phrase "vicious thing" is much less powerful than say "vicious beast". But even then I would try to avoid cliches such as those.
Also, I think it would be better if you didn't start out with a question. That is a good approach for some essays, but I think your's would be better started as a scenario. Start with, say, "You are walking through a park...." You are TELLING the reader what they are doing, forcing them into a state of conscience that automatically puts them in the mindset of comprehending the possible scenario. You want them to BE there, you want them to picture themselves in that park, seeing that pit bull, and asking themselves what their immediate reaction is. They are asking themselves BEFORE you even ask them! That is the power of a good introduction- get them thinking so you don't have to.
A good persuasive essay doesn't try to convince. Don't think that you're trying to convince people. You are simply stating your opinion and backing it up with evidence. Your ability to back it up, to lure them in, and to hold them there is what is going to convince them. If you try to hard you'll lose them.

I've already made a few changes to the introduction, so I'll post it again when I think I'm 100% satisfied with it. Thank you!

09-22-2010, 10:15 PM	#9
inownsuipsy Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 414 Senior Member	Does my heart good to see young people taking on the cause of the breed while using proper spelling and grammar. Hopefully, you can change a few minds or prevent the negative media reports from making your classmates into Pit Bull haters. Good luck with your paper Thank you. I've had this counter argument for the breed in my head for a long time, but never had the opportunity to actually utilize it.. So even though my English teacher will probably throw my paper in the trash after she grades it, I am definitely going to keep working on the typed version I have in my laptop and I hopefully will get to use it to promote the breed and circulate the truth once I go into Journalism, or something like that. ---------- Post added at 03:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:07 PM ---------- As long as it is persuasive and not informative, 'you' is perfectly acceptable. You want to be able to address your audience on a personal level, and you can't do that by addressing them informally. Now, in an informative essay, you are STRICTLY writing facts. There is no room for opinion, biases, or persuasion. The fact-opinion fallacy is unfortunately under-taught and is used in many 'professional' papers writing to 'professional' peers. It's very easy to make this mistake in both informative and persuasive essays. Make sure all of your facts are simply that- facts. Facts are proven, tested, and universal. You cannot debate a fact. Opinions cannot be proven, and are where debates can arise. Now, facts can be the basis of the debate, but cannot be manipulated based on one's bias. Also, try to avoid the word "thing". Descriptions are HUGE in persuasive essays, and can make the difference between someone reading a word and someone truly FEELING what you meant in your writing. The phrase "vicious thing" is much less powerful than say "vicious beast". But even then I would try to avoid cliches such as those. Also, I think it would be better if you didn't start out with a question. That is a good approach for some essays, but I think your's would be better started as a scenario. Start with, say, "You are walking through a park...." You are TELLING the reader what they are doing, forcing them into a state of conscience that automatically puts them in the mindset of comprehending the possible scenario. You want them to BE there, you want them to picture themselves in that park, seeing that pit bull, and asking themselves what their immediate reaction is. They are asking themselves BEFORE you even ask them! That is the power of a good introduction- get them thinking so you don't have to. A good persuasive essay doesn't try to convince. Don't think that you're trying to convince people. You are simply stating your opinion and backing it up with evidence. Your ability to back it up, to lure them in, and to hold them there is what is going to convince them. If you try to hard you'll lose them. I've already made a few changes to the introduction, so I'll post it again when I think I'm 100% satisfied with it. Thank you!
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