Try not to be to hard on yourself. Talk to you doctor honestly and friends `n' family. If smocking marijuana STOP. Take every day as it comes I try and think of the people that I love when suicide is in my head,try and think how they would feel +see the doctor. Therapy helped me allot ,Helped me take thing in smaller chunks and not to think to far ahead . Accept that you have a medical condition and that it's not just in your head (VERY IMPORTANT). By the way I know allot of the logical thing that I need to do .But it is so hard to do them when your depressed.(Major part of depression and acceptance). In life we all have up's and down's some harder than others ,some manage them better than others .Above all else it's normal and happens . To say FM is not the place to talk is bs ,it's always good to talk .people love you, you just have to love you a bit more .Good luck