[mGUuZRyA]

sister,

May Allah forgive you and all of us, and may He grant us all the best in this world and in the hereafter. Ameen.

Sister, you don't need a particular type of words to make sincere taubah and to ask Allah swt for forgiveness. I posted this recently in another thread, I am quoting it again below. Try to read, understand, and ponder it and Insha'Allah it will be beneficial.

A scholar at our Masjid recently, whose sheikh was Maulana Yunus Patel (ra), said that he once asked Maulana Yunus Patel (ra) something to the effect of what kind of words one should use when making taubah (repenting) to Allah . He said the maulana gave him the following example as an answer (paraphrased):

Let's say a father has 2 young sons, both of whom have done something to greatly upset the father:

A. The first son, who is not really that sorry about his actions and considers himself to be really clever, comes up with an elaborate plan to apologize and make up with his father. He writes a whole speech about how he is so sorry, even uses some props and what not to really spice things up and look legitimate... he then goes and delivers this planned act to his father. The father can sense that maybe this son is not really being sincere in his apology and rather this is all a big elaborate act to get him to forgive him. Hence, the father has to think twice before deciding whether his son is being sincere and if he should forgive him or not.

B. The second son, who is truly sorry for his actions which caused his father to become so upset, doesn't know what to do or say to apologize and make up with his father. He goes to his father not knowing what his plan of apology is. As soon as he sees his father, he falls to his feet and bursts out in tears. No words come out of his mouth because he's crying so hard and also he just doesn't know what to say. The father sees the condition of this son & senses his sincerity on the spot, without a doubt.

Which of the above two sons do we think the father is going to forgive without hesitation?

Maulana then said taubah is the same thing. It is the name of a kaifiat (feeling), and it doesn't necessarily need to have any special words or acts. Feeling truly sorry, feeling extreme resentment for the sin(s) one has committed, crying in front of Allah about it and sincerely promising never to do it again, then following through with that promise... that is taubah.

May Allah forgive my mistakes in narrating this story and Allah knows best.