[moredasers]

Yes, if you could pass on the contact details i would be very grateful. Not sure if i can post my email address here? I read the forums now and again and i highly respect your opnion, so any advice you can give is much needed... please don't hold back.

It is indeed sad and heart wrenching that your situation has come to this and may Allah (SWT) assist you and your children in this matter.

In Islam every action you perform must be underpinned by two pre-requisites:

1. Mushwara: Consultation with your family, friends and loved ones. I also recommend that you also consult a Scholar by ringing or via email
2. Istikhara: Seeking divine guidance in the matter.

I am hopeful that you have very seriously considered the matter and taken Mushwara from your family and those close to you and also done Istikhara.

After you have begged, beseeched our Lord (SWT) and have firmly arrived at this conclusion and then Islamically you would proceed as follows:

Islamic Procedure:

1. Ask your husband for an Islamic divorce and according to Sunnah he needs to give you 1 Islamic divorce (when you are not on your period) and after spending Idda for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) you are free to marry anyone you wish. During this period you will have to remain indoors and the husband will have to provide for you financially. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members (as witnesses) and he gives you Talaq in writing; although Islamically its not required.
   
   If he breaks the Sunnah and gives you 3 straight Talaqs in Anger (or while drunk) and in your period etc then you will still be divorced!
   
   Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
2. Once you have approached him for Talaq and he is unwilling to comply. You can ask for “Khu’l” which is basically the wife may persuade the husband to enter into an agreement of Khul’ (a release for payment from the wife). The wife may also opt to forgive the husband from paying her dowry (mahr). If Khu’l is granted then again you will have to wait remain indoors for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) and then you are free to marry anyone else. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members OR in writing; although Islamically its not required.
   
   The timeframes for Khu’l varies but if he refuses in writing or in person then you need to move onto the next step.
   
   Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
3. If he is refusing divorce and also not willing to enter into Khu’l then the only option which is left for you is to contact an “Islamic Shariah Council” and ask the Scholars to annul your marriage. You fill out a detailed application (outlining your reasons and that you have already tried steps 1 & 2) and the process can take up from a few months to a year.
   
   You can contact the following:
   
   ***UPDATED: 21MAY2012***
   
   Maulana Ijaz
   Dewsbury, UK
   Office: +44 (1924) 464-122
   Office Hours: Mondy-Friday (UK) Time: 09:30 - 12:30 click on links to convert to your local time.
   Spoken Languages: English/Urdu/Gujrati
   
   ***UPDATED: 21MAY2012***

Basically once your application is considered and it is determined that you have sufficient grounds for annulment,; if your husband is in UK then he will be written to (visting the Shariah council) and explain the charges. If he can't visit then he can write. All letters are sent via registered post and guareenteed delivery. If he does not respond OR makes no attempt to contact then the Ulama will annul the Nikah after a few attempts.

You will need to prepare your application accurately, carefull and diligently for annulment.
British Law:

After being divorced Islamically (you are free to remarry in Islam) but according to British Law you will need to get a divorce and in a British court you can apply on any of the 5 grounds:

1. Adultery: You must prove either through admission or by submitting circumstantial evidence that he has committed adultery.
2. Unreasonable Behavior: This is the most commonly used clause and you must prove that he has proved in a way which makes living with him unreasonable.
3. Desertion: He has deserted you for a period of 2 years. This is rarely used.
4. 2 Year separation: By mutual consent you have been living apart for at least 2 years.
5. 5 Year separation: You have been living apart and consent is not necessary.
   Depends on which grounds you choose and how he chooses to defend it; court case can take time.
   Aftermath of a divorce:

Divorce Aftermath:

If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will provide for the children BUT that is rare. In most cases men give a very hard time, refuse to issue Talaq and refuse to pay and if you don’t have a family (to financially support you) at least initially then you will be plunged into serious financial chaos EVEN if you work because more than likely you will be seriously depressed during the whole process!

If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will give you child custody BUT this is rare and usually men contest this in the court and even afterwards there will be “all kinds of games” just to mess you around.

If your children are of an age where they understand things then it will be VERY HARD to explain and they will go through some sort of emotional turmoil and their performance at School/Madarsa will be affected.

If you want to remarry it will depend on your age and your children etc and loads of dua. Most women will busy themselves in looking after their children and don’t actively look into remarriage.

Allah (SWT) knows best.

P.S: I strongly suggest that you ask the Moderators to allow you to contact a women Scholar on this forum and discuss this in detail since my advice is very general and I am not a Scholar!