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**redDoodia** · 05-06-2012, 01:01 PM

Thank you for all the answers, recently I have been reading about psychiatry (which is not a science) which seems to suggest that, how we are treated as children makes us what we are when we grow up...most of us make painful emotions become unconscious...so I was just wondering if this is true for myself. For example a distant father and over protective mother might make the grown person look for those things in their adult relationships...it basically means that most of us are usually not in control of ourself we might be doing things because of our childhood experiences what do the Sufi Shaykhs say about this?

I began that Psychology thread to get exactly these type of things clarified.
Out of the trinity of Freud-Adler-Jung we got three confusions.
Freud thought man is merely has only one specific feeling. (Sorry I'll avoid any specification).
Adler sort of told us that we do not come out of childhood. That is the problem that you are facing.
There is no doubt that childhood experience is very potent because the experience is very limited as well as state of childhood has helplessness (though in decreasing amount). But we do come out of our childhood and we do overcome those past events.

Sufi Shuyukh look at the things the way Allah (SWT) wants us to look at them. Allah (SWT) created us and asked us, "Am I not your Lord?" "Why not?", said all of us. And the things start rolling from there. This is our faith and this is our paradigm.

As I said earlier these are precisely the issues that we need to clarify and my impression is that it should not be difficult to do that. The reason is that psychologists have an experience of hundred years while the Sufis of fourteen hundred years.
Sometimes when listening to sufi Shaykhs it seems the nafs is such a monster and there is no way to overcome it, ... Nafs is nafs. It is more difficult to overcome as compared to Satan the cursed. The moment you assert that there is no power except Allah (SWT) Satan the cured is completely ineffective and neutralized. In case of nafs we can rest in peace after death only. That is the definition of life - it is an exam and exam is to rise above the baser tendencies of the nafs. And it is about possibility and not about impossibility. It is possible to overcome our Baser Self. That is why Allah (SWT) has made us responsible for it. Allah (SWT) does not make us responsible for anything beyond our capabilities.

... everything seems hopeless...doing dhikr, trying ones best is still not good enough. Sufis have already told us that the trick is to keep doing and trying. Arabic word for it is Sabr. This is one word that is very potent - it has possibility, nearly a guarantee, of heaven.
One just ends up feeling like a guilty child, a naughty child being told by the parents they are not good enough....Surely we are good enough Allah SWT created us and gave us life to experience it as a blessing not as something that should be hated or disliked with self hatred and mistrusting the self? Perhaps you are referring to Eric Berne's transactional analysis. Again we got to develop Islamic perspective on it and I again assert that it should not be difficult at all.

When, in Eric Berne, Amy Harris and Thomas Harris's language, some one else's parent is addressing your child the situation is not hopeless at all. Look at the situation from Islamic perspective. Either you are in a state of sin or obedience. In case of sin the best thing is to accept it and repent - that is the glory of a believer. In case of obedience the parent of the whole world is useless and you can politely correct your interlocutor.

In case you feel lost about above two paragraphs then just ignore them. Get connected with a Shaikh and think yourself lucky that you have got another father - spiritual one. The world is dangerous enough to justify having two fathers - one biological and another spiritual.

Why should we be following the people in Authority? Should we not trust our own self? Allah (SWT) has created us for Ibadat. Ibadat is done by Abds. An Abd is lower than a slave who is, in turn, lower than a servant in the hierarchy of King-Minister-Officer-Servant.

You have to be an Abd of Allah (SWT) and a person who helps you in becoming that is called a Shaykh.
To find a Shaykh who shall make you an Abd of Allah and not his own Abd is your responsibility. And it is not impossible to find such a Shaykh. You should be warned about the fake Shaikhs but that should not discourage you at all from searching for a genuine one.

I hope it helps a little

PS : Also posted here.

05-06-2012, 01:01 PM	#6
redDoodia Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 471 Senior Member	Thank you for all the answers, recently I have been reading about psychiatry (which is not a science) which seems to suggest that, how we are treated as children makes us what we are when we grow up...most of us make painful emotions become unconscious...so I was just wondering if this is true for myself. For example a distant father and over protective mother might make the grown person look for those things in their adult relationships...it basically means that most of us are usually not in control of ourself we might be doing things because of our childhood experiences what do the Sufi Shaykhs say about this? I began that Psychology thread to get exactly these type of things clarified. Out of the trinity of Freud-Adler-Jung we got three confusions. Freud thought man is merely has only one specific feeling. (Sorry I'll avoid any specification). Adler sort of told us that we do not come out of childhood. That is the problem that you are facing. There is no doubt that childhood experience is very potent because the experience is very limited as well as state of childhood has helplessness (though in decreasing amount). But we do come out of our childhood and we do overcome those past events. Sufi Shuyukh look at the things the way Allah (SWT) wants us to look at them. Allah (SWT) created us and asked us, "Am I not your Lord?" "Why not?", said all of us. And the things start rolling from there. This is our faith and this is our paradigm. As I said earlier these are precisely the issues that we need to clarify and my impression is that it should not be difficult to do that. The reason is that psychologists have an experience of hundred years while the Sufis of fourteen hundred years. Sometimes when listening to sufi Shaykhs it seems the nafs is such a monster and there is no way to overcome it, ... Nafs is nafs. It is more difficult to overcome as compared to Satan the cursed. The moment you assert that there is no power except Allah (SWT) Satan the cured is completely ineffective and neutralized. In case of nafs we can rest in peace after death only. That is the definition of life - it is an exam and exam is to rise above the baser tendencies of the nafs. And it is about possibility and not about impossibility. It is possible to overcome our Baser Self. That is why Allah (SWT) has made us responsible for it. Allah (SWT) does not make us responsible for anything beyond our capabilities. ... everything seems hopeless...doing dhikr, trying ones best is still not good enough. Sufis have already told us that the trick is to keep doing and trying. Arabic word for it is Sabr. This is one word that is very potent - it has possibility, nearly a guarantee, of heaven. One just ends up feeling like a guilty child, a naughty child being told by the parents they are not good enough....Surely we are good enough Allah SWT created us and gave us life to experience it as a blessing not as something that should be hated or disliked with self hatred and mistrusting the self? Perhaps you are referring to Eric Berne's transactional analysis. Again we got to develop Islamic perspective on it and I again assert that it should not be difficult at all. When, in Eric Berne, Amy Harris and Thomas Harris's language, some one else's parent is addressing your child the situation is not hopeless at all. Look at the situation from Islamic perspective. Either you are in a state of sin or obedience. In case of sin the best thing is to accept it and repent - that is the glory of a believer. In case of obedience the parent of the whole world is useless and you can politely correct your interlocutor. In case you feel lost about above two paragraphs then just ignore them. Get connected with a Shaikh and think yourself lucky that you have got another father - spiritual one. The world is dangerous enough to justify having two fathers - one biological and another spiritual. Why should we be following the people in Authority? Should we not trust our own self? Allah (SWT) has created us for Ibadat. Ibadat is done by Abds. An Abd is lower than a slave who is, in turn, lower than a servant in the hierarchy of King-Minister-Officer-Servant. You have to be an Abd of Allah (SWT) and a person who helps you in becoming that is called a Shaykh. To find a Shaykh who shall make you an Abd of Allah and not his own Abd is your responsibility. And it is not impossible to find such a Shaykh. You should be warned about the fake Shaikhs but that should not discourage you at all from searching for a genuine one. I hope it helps a little PS : Also posted here.
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