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1) Hazrat Thanvi (rah) says:
Experience has proven that for gaining spiritual benefit (fuyudh-e-batini), mutual munaasabat (compatibility/congeniality) between the Shaykh and Mureed is a natural condition.

Normally, benefit is dependent on affection which is the reality of natural connection (munaasabat-e-fitri). Sometimes a Shaykh will refer a Mureed to another Shaykh because of the lack of such munaasabat between them.

In doing so the Shaykh establishes either by deduction or inspiration from Allah Ta’ala that the Mureed has munaasabat with a certain Shaykh. In this Path it is essential that munaasabat exists between the Shaykh and Mureed otherwise the Mureed will not benefit.

Such munaasabat is the basis for getting benefit and passing on faidh (spiritual grace) to the Mureed. Munaasabat envisages that there exists between the Shaykh and Mureed compatibility and harmony to such a degree that the Mureed discerns no rejection in his heart for any word or act of the Shaykh, although the Mureed may be afflicted by mental disagreement with any word or act of the Shaykh.

Nevertheless such mental disagreement will not be a source of rejection for the Shaykh in the heart of the Mureed.

In short, harmony and compatibility are conditional. It is therefore essential to first inculcate munaasabat. This need is imperative. In the absence of this essential condition, mujaahadat (strivings), riyaadhat (certain forms of exercises designed to subdue the nafs), muraaqabah (meditations) and mukaashafat (intuitive revelations) are all futile.

In the absence of natural munaasabat (tab’i munaasabat), the Mureed should endeavor to inculcate intellectual (aqli) munaasabat, because benefit is dependent on it. For this reason, one should refrain from entering into a connection with the Shaykh until total munaasabat has been inculcated.

When I used to consult Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rah) many years back he used to tell me that you need munasibat, aqeedat (strong belief/ conviction) and azmat of Shaykh in your heart.

2. You will know know when you have munasibat when you can freely communicate with the Shaykh without any barriers whilst maintaining the required aadab. His speech affects you, your faults are being brought to light by his talks. Mufti Mahmoodul Hasan (rah) says one reason why he chose Hazrat Shaykh (rah) was that in the Majalis of other Akabir he found great ruhaniyat but in the Majlis of Hazrat Shaykh (rah) his faults were brought to light.

3. Generally bay't should not be done if you dont have munasibat. It can be developed, but its very hard.

Making istikhara and getting a sign is by far the best method of choosing a Shaykh. Istikhara settles the heart. The Sahaba say that Hazrat Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) used to teach us istikhara like he would teach us the Surahs of the Quran

May Allah help you