[seosoftseo]

My family has a really big problem with watching drama serials and listening to songs on T.V.
My mother and sister continuously watch Hindi Drama serials (which show uncovered females, and awful background music). My sister also listen to songs on television on B4U Music(A channel specifically for Bollywood songs). My dad also gets caught up in this. The worst part is, its perfectly fine and normal with them, its happens [B]every[B] night and nobody is realizing that what there doing is haram.
This all happens in the living room where we have a huge flat-screen TV. For this reason, I usually stay upstairs to avoid the sinning. But the problem is the my parents call me downstairs to the living room to sit with them, or for dinner (which we eat with the TV blasting in front of us). So If I stay upstairs I will be sinning (disobedience to parents) and I if I go downstairs to help my parents (where the TV and songs are blasting 24/7) I will be sinning.

I want to serve my parents and earn good deeds, but Im reluctant to do that since I will fall into the sin of music and television etc...

Any Advice?

brother,

May Allah swt give you abundant reward for sticking to the deen and making effort to get your family out of evil, may He keep you steadfast and make you a means for guidance for your family and friends also. Ameen.

Brother, as I said in my post before this one, you have just described probably 99% of Muslim households today. May Allah swt protect us all, Ameen. Indian serials, music, any and all types of TV shows/movies are basically "non-issues" in today's Muslim households. Just like everyone at home eats & sleeps, they do all of these things also. shaitaan has embedded itself so deep into our households that it's just mind-boggling. What's worse is that aside from the "odd one" such as yourself, no one even notices these days. Since that's 99% of the families out there, they do the same things when they visit each others' homes. They watch haraam TV shows, movies, listen to music, and all that, and they do it together. If there happens to be an entire family who is practicing, they usually get "cut out" from the rest because they're not "cool enough", "too Islamic", etc. If they don't get cut off, they end up cutting themselves off because they don't want to be involved with that kind of gatherings anyway. Rarely there's an "odd one" (odd one=one who practices the deen) who will stick out at these gatherings and generally have a very uncomfortable "why am I forced to be here" type of look on his/her face... this "odd one" will have a beard, or be in hijab, will be sitting in a mixed-gender gathering with the TV playing some haram show, but his/her eyes will not be looking at anything going on and his ears will be blocking everything come out of that TV. This person will also ask others if they are joining him to make salat (when it's time for salat), and Alhamdulillah many times he may actually get a jamaat going for salat by the grace of Allah swt, while also many times having the opportunity to hear things all the way from "go ahead I will pray later" to "these pants are dirty I can't pray in them" to just blank stares. When this person leaves this type of gathering, he/she will make tauba like no tomorrow and try their best to not go back to such a gathering. However, eventually, he/she will have to compromise with family again and end up at one of these gatherings, despite his/her efforts to stay out of them; and the cycle will repeat. This is probably more apparent within families where one or more children are practicing while the father/parents are not... simply because if it's the father (head of household) who is practicing and the rest are not practicing, he can just tell the entire family to not go. Or, he can choose not to go himself if his wife/children insist on going and his wife/children won't really be able to say anything to him as opposed to if a child is saying "no" to his parents.

Brother, all I can say in my limited understanding and knowledge is that obviously this is a tricky situation. Just like with anything else, no one can help those in such a situation except for Allah swt. No person can come to your house and say some 'magic' words to your family which will make them stop doing what they're doing. You cannot just flick a switch which will turn on love for the deen inside of them. You cannot flick a switch which will make them feel as uncomfortable and disgusting as you do when these indian serials and music etc come on. People cannot give hidayat, only Allah can give hidayah. Even the Prophet did not have the power to give hidayat himself, otherwise his uncle would have died a Muslim. So, we must understand that and not feel down when our sayings and actions don't seem to 'help' in these situations. Insha'Allah they will help slowly and surely, when Allah wants these people to be helped by them.

Since we cannot give hidayat, only Allah swt can do that, what can we as slaves of Allah swt do? We can use hikmah (wisdom) and we can try to lead by example. That of course is not as easy as it was for me to just type that last sentence, in fact it can be really tough. A key factor in all of this is to constantly strive to improve yourself (see this thread: start with the self). As some others have said in this thread so far, immerse your life in the Sunnah of the Prophet , and try to make your Ikhlaaq (manners) like the Prohpet's and the Sahaba's . Now, that is very well an impossible task for the likes of you and I (or at least I), however we can try right? Also stay engaged in Zikr, always ask Allah swt to put the right words in your mouth which benefit others without making them angry (this is a big one), whenever you get angry (such as when someone says "is this halal?" as a sarcastic joke while pointing towards some bollywood show on tv, for example), don't say anything. Whatever is said immediately after experiencing the feeling of anger is usually from the shaytaan, so your immediate reaction in all of these situations should be to keep quiet and start reciting ta'wuz in your heart (A'udhu Billahi min ash-shaytaan-i'r rajeem). You can also recite any other Surah, especially Ayat-ul-Kursi, Surah Iklaas, and also durood sharief. You will Insha'Allah notice that your anger subsides by doing all this and you get a better hang over the situation.

With most things, it is better to smile and keep silent. Using the same example as before, if someone points towards a haram show on tv and says "hey is this halal" to be sarcastic, just smile and keep quiet, or you can simply say "no" with a huge smile, so as to let them to know that you're not saying "no" out of anger but rather just saying the truth without getting upset. Again, like I said, in most situations better to keep quiet and constantly ask Allah swt to make you say the right thing and to help you keep silent otherwise.

This all happens in the living room where we have a huge flat-screen TV. For this reason, I usually stay upstairs to avoid the sinning That's basically a big part of the remedy, to stay away from it. As much as it is about wanting hidayat for one's family, at the same time it's about protecting yourself also; and by staying away from all that garbage being played on TV, you are protecting your heart and mind Insha'Allah.

But the problem is the my parents call me downstairs to the living room to sit with them, or for dinner (which we eat with the TV blasting in front of us). So If I stay upstairs I will be sinning (disobedience to parents) and I if I go downstairs to help my parents (where the TV and songs are blasting 24/7) I will be sinning.

I want to serve my parents and earn good deeds, but Im reluctant to do that since I will fall into the sin of music and television etc... Yes, this is also a tricky part, and just like the rest of this post, whatever advice I'm giving is my personal interpretation and by no means scholarly advice or anything close to it. You can let your parents and family know (politely) that you prefer to eat in quiet and not with the TV playing, so if they can turn off the TV if you are to eat with them. If they don't comply with your request and yet they keep insisting for you to eat with them, you can eat quickly (a smaller amount) and then excuse yourself and go back to your room, then eat later when it's safe for you to be downstairs, if you are still hungry. As far as just sitting with them in the living room, you can tell them (again, very politely) that you would love nothing more than to sit with them and talk, but that you prefer not to sit when TV or music is being played, so they are welcome to sit with you for a few minutes if they would like to turn the TV off, and they are also welcome to visit you upstairs in your room and honor you with their presence for a few minutes. Again, if for some reason they insist and 'force' you to sit with them downstairs, you can do so for a few minutes, without looking at the TV and blocking out whatever music/sounds are being played (not physically by covering your ears but rather in your heart, just don't pay attention to them), and then excuse yourself and leave. This way you're honoring your parents' request, probably compromising your deen for sure, but Insha'Allah Allah will give you reward for making the sacrifice of compromising your deen, as much as you hate to do it, in order to please your parents (again, not scholarly opinion but my own). Of course this does not mean that one becomes involved with the TV and music and all that themselves, which is a danger of this, so if one knows they are weak and will easily start 'enjoying' the TV etc, then it would be advised for them to just completely stay away and not do this. However, if one is at least at a point where they have a "wall" around their heart towards tv shows/movies/music etc, then this can be done for a few minutes here and there if your parents insist, because your intention is to sit with them, not to watch the TV. You can even honestly tell your parents something like "I will honor your request of sitting with you since you are insisting and obedience towards parents is highly emphasized in Islam, however please understand that is the only reason I am sitting with you and not for the TV/music or anything. I am only sitting here for the company of my parents and to spend some time talking to them." (in a polite manner of course). Then you sit there not even looking at the TV and obviously not being "into it", then politely excuse yourself and leave shortly after, and maybe Insha'Allah they would learn a thing or two from that also. They may even start turning the TV down or off for you (even if they don't believe it themselves) so that you will spend some time with them.

I know a brother who was/is in nearly the identical situation which you are in, and now his family members not liking him always being "locked" upstairs in his room tell him things like "come sit with us in the living room we will turn off the TV, we know you don't like it". So, while they're still watching the same stuff, they are at least starting to respect the fact that he's not into it and willing to turn it off when he is going to be sitting with them.

I want to serve my parents and earn good deeds Masha'Allah, certainly there is tremendous reward in that. Remember brother you can serve your parents and earn good deeds in many other ways, not only by sitting in the living room with them while they are watching TV. You can get them something to eat, you can make them tea, get them water, massage them if they are in pain (and even if not), do all kinds of smallest of things for them with the intention of khidmat (serving them) and Insha'Allah you will get the reward for that. Just generally be very respectful towards them, don't talk back no matter what they say and how angry you get (read ta'wuz and do dhikr instead), always take very good care of them... even things like when you are eating together, let all of your family members pour food on their plates first and be the last one, no matter how much they insist, insist more for them to take food first or say you won't eat (lol), if it's a situation where you're pouring the food/drink first, always leave the best for your parents and other family members (such as pieces of meat etc, if there is a limited amount of soda and you know they love soda then leave it for them and drink water yourself, etc), and just serve them any and every way you can... Insha'Allah that will also effect their hearts in a positive manner because they will see that being close to the deen is what is making all these positive changes happen inside of you.

Remember, as you said, you weren't always practicing yourself, so think back to the time when you also used to watch TV like it was nothing, when you also listened to music like it was nothing. Maybe you also laughed if someone told you "don't watch this show it's haram" or "don't listen to music it's haram"... maybe you also 'knew' that it was haram and yet kept doing it. Never forget to thank Allah every passing moment for how much He has truly blessed you by giving you hidayat, getting you away from all that stuff and getting you into building your aakhirah... surely there is no greater gift from Allah swt than hidayat (guidance). Alhamdulillah.

Also remember one thing, as you said you've been practicing for about a year or so. I don't know how old you are, but to your family you being all "Islamic" is still going to be a new thing. They, in the back of their heads, may still have the attitude of "well he used to do the same thing and now he thinks he's such a good Muslim". You will have to show them that this is not a phase but Insha'Allah this is how you are going to spend your life until your last breath, by following the commands of our Creator and by practicing every single possible sunnah of our Prophet . So your job now is to keep begging Allah swt to make you more and more steadfast and to keep giving you hidayat and give your family hidayat too. Remember you're not trying to be steadfast to "show off" but rather you're doing it for yourself while praying Insha'Allah that Allah will lead your steadfastness to have a positive effect on peoples' hearts, including your parents' and your family's. It may not be the easiest task and feel lonely at times, but remember Allah swt and follow His commands, and you will be good Insha'Allah. Not sure how your situation is but try to catch at least Fajr & Isha at the Masjid (if not then whichever salat works out for you) at the Masjid daily. Also find out after which salat your Masjid has taleem (if they even have it Insha'Allah) and try your best to be there for the taleem, even if only on weekends and/or your days off.

One thing you mentioned was that they go to Jummah, albeit at the last minute right at the end of the khutbah. This in fact is a huge blessing from Allah swt brother as majority of families involved with this type of lifestyle also don't go to Jummah (it's "just another day" to them), so Masha'Allah at least your father is a step ahead in that regards. See if you can try to get him to start going to Jummah a bit earlier, ask him to do it for you. Maybe listening to the actual khutbah will have some effect on his heart Insha'Allah. This should be one of your main goals, to figure out a way to get to Jummah earlier. Since he will not go to the Masjid any other time and he will only go for Jummah, you need to Insha'Allah try to make the most of this once-weekly time. When he does go early to Jummah Insha'Allah, keep making dua to Allah swt to make the sheikh giving the khutbah say the right things which will positively effect yours and your father's heart. When, Insha'Allah, he does go to Jummah with you and sits through the entire khutbah, don't be surprised if the khutbah doesn't have the same effect on him as it does on you. Don't expect him to just start making tauba on the spot and give you a big hug and live happily ever after. Of course, any of that can happen by Allah's grace. Just keep going with him, don't even talk to him about the khutbah afterwards (or maybe just say something like "what did you think of the khutbah" without getting into details).

Remember when you weren't practicing the deen and someone used to "start talking about Islam", or someone who only liked talking about Islam all the time and nothing else? How did you feel towards that person? Don't be that person. Don't talk with your words but rather with your actions and your ikhlaaq, and Insha'Allah you will have the proper opportunity(ies) to speak with your family and others about the deen. Also, if possible (don't upset your parents in the process), go for 3 days jamaat. You will learn a lot about having proper ikhlaaq, implementing many different sunnahs into your daily life, how to talk to people about the deen (this is key) and just all kinds of good stuff about the deen Insha'Allah. Again, you will have to be careful with this. Try to slowly make your father used to the idea, don't just jump out one day saying "I'm going for 3 days this weekend". Get your parents "buy in" on it. First just start mentioning to him how so many people sometimes spend "the weekend" at the masjid and they seem to have a good time. Then start kind of jokingly telling him that some people even go for long times like 10/40 days, 4 months and what not and you don't know how they do it... kind of laugh about it (the idea is to get him used to the idea that people are doing this, without giving him the idea that you want to do this). Then eventually after a couple of weeks (or whatever feels right, just don't do it too quick) sit down with him and tell him that you have been thinking about spending "the weekend" at the Masjid for a while now, and you just want to make sure it is ok with him. Explain to him when you would go (give him at least 2 weeks notice), how it works (that you would go from Thurs night/Fri morning or whatever and come back on Sunday night), that they usually go to a local Masjid around the area, etc, etc. The same brother who I mentioned above who I think was/is in a nearly identical situation as yours, he used more or less this type of an approach with his father, he always thought his father would be completely opposed to him going for three days, but after using this approach for a while, by the time he told him about the fact that he's thinking about going, by the grace of Allah swt, his father didn't even say anything besides "ok go ahead". He had his "buy in".

Also, recite plenty of Quran, pray Tahajjud, all that good stuff. In the event no one else is home, go downstairs and recite the Quran loudly there as well, make salat there as well (given that there are no images and other forbidden elements and it's 'safe' to do such things there as long as the TV is off, if not then cover/remove the images to make it safe(r)). Insha'Allah keep working on chasing the shaitaan out of your house and his accursed self will be out of there before you know it. Recite plenty of Surah Fatiha all day all around your house and Insha'Allah the barakah of that alone will bring hidayat into your house by the grace of Allah.

Once again Insha'Allah the main takeaway I want you to get out of this is that you must keep improving yourself and remain silent in situations where you're compelled to just "tell them how it is". Keep building your own iman and yaqeen and Insha'Allah everything else will follow.

May Allah swt forgive me if I said anything wrong.

Please remember in your duas.