[refdhbgtd]

Salaams brothers and sisters and respected elders.

Just for the record I am 18 years old and my mum is 38. They have been divorced from my '' ... for 15 years now.. they have not married since.
They are in the process or thinking or even arranging to get married.
I said yes at the time when mum was upset and crying.. telling me that they were loneley etc.. in the heat of the moment I said im fine with it.. if it makes mum happy

But now that all this is hitting home, I cant bare the thought.. im going to tell mum that ill move out? this sounds silly I know but, I cant bare another man, any man infact to live with us. It's just weird, Iv'e grown up with no father at all.. never seen him. Iv'e been the man of the house all my life-from a young age, now for some next guy too come along is just weird... and it sickens me unfortunatley. Also my younger sister is at an age now where she is becoming a woman and this is another concern I have.. I just dont feel comftarble again with another man too be around the house whilst my sister is around.

Too cut the long story short...mum has been through alot.. I mean a heck of alot of rubbish and if anyone deserves to be happy then its my beautiful mother and I really really dont want to be the cause of that not happening. They said they wont marry if Im not happy.. but how can I say im not happy and be so selfish because I really want them to be happy. Because they still feel they havent moved on from their last marriage which was 15 years ago.

Also the man who is supposed to get married .. if they get marrried. Is a relative-my cousin brother.
My dad and his dad were brothers and his mother also had problems with my ''uncle.. they werre just a really cruel family. Mum says thats why they want to marry him as he understands what mum went through as he went through the same stuff and mum still has nightmares.. thats how bad there ex marriage was and they say they cant bare to open all that up with another man. and this guy has been through it and he is also family. Then at the same time hes my mums cousin brother because his mum and my grandma are sisters. and hes alot younger than mum, hes about 22,23. But he is mature apparently. I dont know him very well.. as hes from back home and the couple of times I was there we were like brothers, iv'e chilled out with him etc and for all this too be going on right under my nose without me knowing makes me want to kill him when I grab hold of him.

When Im out with mum..I already get mistaken for there husband :/ or brother as they look really young and with this guy.. there going to think where all siblings lol and also if people see my mum with him, I dont need my friends asking me whos that etc.. then I have to tell em its my mums hubby

So as you can see this is all tricky and sticky and im seriously not happy with this, I wish I could bite my tounge and swallow these feelings..

Mum has also done istikhara which came back very good.

Jazak'Allah for reading.. please remember me and my family in your duas and any knowledgeable advice from experienced readers would be greatly appreciated.