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Am I being selfish towards my mother? Regarding them getting married
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04-08-2012, 11:25 PM
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zithromaxlinks
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Oct 2005
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Senior Member
Akhi, I think you have valid concern with regards to your sister and the well-being of your mom.
But I also think there are other issues you need to address. One of them being your mom has been alone for 15 years. If this opportunity slips, will she need to wait another 15 years? Once you and your sister have married and started your own lives, your mom will have alot of time on her hands and feel even more lonely. I also agree with sister Acacia with regards to marrying people back home. But if your mom has done istihkara and this has come out positive then perhaps the brothers intentions are geniune. Perhaps there may be little bit of selfishness of him wanting to move abroad, but we all have that aspect in us. We all look for a particular 'type' of spouses that may include other selfish reasons to marry them. I am not saying that is the reason he wants to marry your mom. I dont know whats in his heart only Allah swt does. Insha'allah the istihkaara will clarify all these concerns. Ensure his deen and character are sound.
With regards to your sister - until she marries (sister) it will be little difficult as she will need to be more mindful of her actions and manners but insha'allah it will be only for a few years till she marries. And if you remained to live with them till your sister marries, you can keep an eye on whats happening in the household aswell.
I can also relate to your mother when she wants to marry someone who knows her past. Imagine if you have to explain your past to every suitor that comes along. Sometimes it can start feeling as your defending yourself (with the number of questions that are being asked) and also opening up all those emotions that you have blocked away always leaves you feeling unsettled always having to go down memory lane. Some of use deal with emotions/past better than others.
Finally, about what people think ... when he comes to live with you guys, just take him out with you and introduce him to your friends. Approach the situation heads on. And what others think of you as a family, who cares! If you have to correct them, so be it. I live with my brother and people mistake us all the time. Instead of his sister, I'm his wife. Can be awkward but we just correct them. Once when I was a teenager, my dad was mistaken as my husband!! (and we do look like father n daughter) or the funniest has to be when I went abroad for a week with my son and nephew. Everyone thought my nephew was my hubby and the father of my son
I can understand the the first part of us being married but the second part?? My nephew didnt look old enough to his father? So there you have it, plenty of confusion and just makes you laugh really.
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