[quottrethew]

Sorry guys. I guess I have been too cryptic. I would say i am 'heart broken'. I am trying to over people. One person in partiuclar. I have lost a number of important ppl in my life and have been able to get over it one way or another but not the last one. No haram relationships alhumdillah.

Normally i am okay. But i have moments that can last any where from a split second to days where i cant get over it. And yes i do become rebellious - more towards god than anyone else. Astagfirullah

i dont mind people being taken away but there are very few days that go by where i dont cry to allah in sujood or in my duas asking for contentment or asking i just forget them. I ask for strength to get over it all yet i get anxiety attacks instead. He is the turner of hearts yet he doesnt turn mine

If that wasnt enough i feel i have been put into a harder test with my family. I have to be their strenght their pillar. Im the woman, the men in my household should be looking after me but its the other way around. Why doesnt Allah swt think i dont deserve it. Im soo weak right now nobody understands. Just becuase I put on a smile everyday doesnt mean i can carry a mountain full of burdens

I litrally feel like running away n hiding in some cave awaaay from everyone that reminds me of the ppl iv lost. I want to run away from the people that depend on me. I have no strength to deal with anyone. I guess i would say my biggest problem is that i cant see my family in pain nor can i hurt them when they want something by saying no.

Sorry this has become bit of a rant thread