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**Morageort** · 02-25-2012, 02:35 AM

Salam,

I am a severly disabled woman like your mom.

This really saddens me.
I wonder how old you are. When you were little didn't your mom do all those things for you, feed you, clothe you, change you. Now that she is in need it is your turn to do that for her. Yes its hard, wasn't it hard for her to do everything for you when you were little too. Islamically you are supposed to serve your mom. You can look up the relevant verses in the Quran and look up the hadith. What if you got hit by a car and got paralyzed today, if she was healthy don't you think she would care for you, how would you feel in that situation if you were paralyzed and your mom didn't woant to care for you and just left you on the street or stuck you in a nursing home.

And you think you have the worst life because you need to care for your mom? Astaghfirullah, how do you think SHE feels being disabled, how would you feel if you suddenly lost the ability to walk? wouldn't that be worse than what you are currently going through? how about kids that are beaten and molested by their parents, or starving in Africa and dying because they dont have food or a sip of water, or those living in war zones and bombs are falling and their homes and families are destroyed. There are alot of people who have it worse than you, our religion teaches us to be grateful and look at those who have less. Many people would be so glad to have their mom alive and honored to care for her. That is the islamic attitude

Being a caregiver can be very difficult. If possible you should try to find someone to help care for your mom. Pay someone some money to come and help her or do some housekeeping. If you can't afford it try to see if any friends or relatives or community members will come sometimes to help just for pleasure of Allah. Talk to your imam and see if anyone in the community will be able to help once in awhile. If they can't come regularly, at least someone bringing some cooked foods or doing some errands may give your family at least some relief. there are many people in similar caregiving situations like you, getting in contact with them may help you realize you are not in a rare or unique situation and help you cope.

All the family members should split the caretaking duties, the married brother should be reminded of his responsibility and also help. When he comes to the house don't let him just play video games, ask him to do some errand or housework or whatever needs to be done for mom, if he can he should also give some money to hire a caretaker. Your family should also consider joining support groups for caregivers and get some counseling to help deal with the pressure and feelings.

Your father may need some psychological help since you say he is a "crazy dad" I don't know if he has a mental illness or just can't cope with the stress, but he should be encouraged to get help as well. Is there a relative that he trusts like a uncle, aunty, grandmother, imam or community memeber that could have a talk with him. Don't accuse him of mental illness, rather suggest that the family join a caregiver support group or get family counseling to deal with the stress of having a sick family member. Make sure he knows it is normal and common for caregivers to be under alot of stress, and their are specialists who help you cope and deal with these feelings, and there is nothing wrong with going to them.

Of course also keep up with prayers, Quran, and duas.
And I dont know what you mean by calling people on this forum "so called muslims" its very rude and insulting, as far as I know there are mostly muslims on here.

Hello so called muslims,

Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words.

I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway.

Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things...

Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE.

Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother.

Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)

02-25-2012, 02:35 AM	#4
Morageort Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 454 Senior Member	Salam, I am a severly disabled woman like your mom. This really saddens me. I wonder how old you are. When you were little didn't your mom do all those things for you, feed you, clothe you, change you. Now that she is in need it is your turn to do that for her. Yes its hard, wasn't it hard for her to do everything for you when you were little too. Islamically you are supposed to serve your mom. You can look up the relevant verses in the Quran and look up the hadith. What if you got hit by a car and got paralyzed today, if she was healthy don't you think she would care for you, how would you feel in that situation if you were paralyzed and your mom didn't woant to care for you and just left you on the street or stuck you in a nursing home. And you think you have the worst life because you need to care for your mom? Astaghfirullah, how do you think SHE feels being disabled, how would you feel if you suddenly lost the ability to walk? wouldn't that be worse than what you are currently going through? how about kids that are beaten and molested by their parents, or starving in Africa and dying because they dont have food or a sip of water, or those living in war zones and bombs are falling and their homes and families are destroyed. There are alot of people who have it worse than you, our religion teaches us to be grateful and look at those who have less. Many people would be so glad to have their mom alive and honored to care for her. That is the islamic attitude Being a caregiver can be very difficult. If possible you should try to find someone to help care for your mom. Pay someone some money to come and help her or do some housekeeping. If you can't afford it try to see if any friends or relatives or community members will come sometimes to help just for pleasure of Allah. Talk to your imam and see if anyone in the community will be able to help once in awhile. If they can't come regularly, at least someone bringing some cooked foods or doing some errands may give your family at least some relief. there are many people in similar caregiving situations like you, getting in contact with them may help you realize you are not in a rare or unique situation and help you cope. All the family members should split the caretaking duties, the married brother should be reminded of his responsibility and also help. When he comes to the house don't let him just play video games, ask him to do some errand or housework or whatever needs to be done for mom, if he can he should also give some money to hire a caretaker. Your family should also consider joining support groups for caregivers and get some counseling to help deal with the pressure and feelings. Your father may need some psychological help since you say he is a "crazy dad" I don't know if he has a mental illness or just can't cope with the stress, but he should be encouraged to get help as well. Is there a relative that he trusts like a uncle, aunty, grandmother, imam or community memeber that could have a talk with him. Don't accuse him of mental illness, rather suggest that the family join a caregiver support group or get family counseling to deal with the stress of having a sick family member. Make sure he knows it is normal and common for caregivers to be under alot of stress, and their are specialists who help you cope and deal with these feelings, and there is nothing wrong with going to them. Of course also keep up with prayers, Quran, and duas. And I dont know what you mean by calling people on this forum "so called muslims" its very rude and insulting, as far as I know there are mostly muslims on here. Hello so called muslims, Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words. I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway. Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things... Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE. Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother. Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)
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