[omaculer]

Aslam U Alaikum
People im not sure if ive posted in the right section but im guessing you all here could help me out as i feel confused and stressed thinking myself, i cant rely on other peoples views as i dont know there real mazhab and i believe every point here is made from a sunni and you all wil give me the right answer as i am also a sunni.

1st of all i know what im going to say is going to sound wrong, i know what im doing is wrong & totally know its against Islam. But i hope u all understand wer i come from.

So in my life ive neva realy spoke to guys, never chilled with them face to face...even in school i use to stay totally away from them because my mum said keep away from them but she didnt say totally stop talkin. She sed u can do salaam but dont get out of the limet, but i never use to even do salaam...i use to totally stay out of there way, use to get bullied but it never affected me and Alhumdolillah im proud of my decision, im glad i neva spoke to them because if i did then even in college i would be seeking for guy mates to bring fun school days back but i dont.

Then after school wen i came to college i never spoke to guys face to face, still dont and i keep away BUT i started speaking to some guy mates online...i use to add and delete but ONLY use to speak to couple of decent guys, didnt like talking to toomany guys because i use to remember my mums words that "if u speak to a guy today then in future wen ur on the road with ur husband he could come up to u n say hi and what jawaab wil u give to ur husband?" i always rememberd that but she didnt knw i speak to guys... Yes again i know its gunaah but dont knw why i spoke to them, i had a crush on one, then another n then another but it was a little thing, nothing big to me...but ive never looked at a guy with a buri neeyat.

Then about a year ago i started speaking to this other guy, now let me tell u lot...i always wanted a hard working guy, always wanted a guy whus punjabi/urdu speaking like me, whos decent, whu has a small little family and keep to themselves but are jolly at the same time, mix in with cuzins and joke as in hasti mazaak.A guy who has no temper but is very soft hearted. So this guy i started talking to..in the begining he didnt attract me, well his picture did but when i saw him on cam i was thinking no but then agen i saw him on cam and as time went i didnt realise i started falling for him. He's strict towards me, his stubborn, he speaks urdu with me and thats something i love...but his punjabi n same time his mp aswell...maybe something i didnt want? he's got a BAD temper problem but i never raise my voice to him, i give him loads of respect cuz my mums taught me *If one person says something to u and u give them jawaab then the matter only gets worse so u should stay quite, and thats exactly what i do*, (by the way we are both brought up in uk). I wanted a guy who has a small family and gets along with the whole family cuzins and all? But his is opposite...they have a world of there own only with theyr mother n her side of the family but a big family as in alot of siblings MashAllah.

Now the thing is i really really like him and i know this is gunaah but i cant get my mind of him, i met him for abit couple of month ago and mashAllah his a really nice person and we didnt do anything wrong. Btw he likes me too. Neways his temper, looks, family nothing at all makes a difference to me, Instead when he talks about his family it feels his familys my family cuz when i think about his mum n sisters i think of them as my own.
Now i like this guy alot and he doesnt tell me anything properly, apparenntly some family relative has done jadu on him and i believe him but his jadus reali reali bad. He gets full body pain, chest pain, pain in his brain, he cant think right at all. There be's time when he thinks whu are u? he be's confused that how does he know me but then theres times when he be's so lovey dovey with me. He says to me keep away from him, he says to me that his not gd enough for me but still i wana go running to him, he says inshAllah ul get someone beter then me but when he says all this it hurts me. He goes me n him are from totally opposite worlds...ive seen happiness and he hasnt.

Eversince i started speaking to him, i stopped talking to all the other guys i know because he didnt like it, i dont go on my undercover facebook account n deleted everything because he didnt like it but now i appreciate it, ii would thanks him because without seeing his temper n strictness towards it i wouldnt av been able to stop talking to them. Ive gotten away from ALLLLLL my girl mates which again Alhumdolillah im glad because when i get married i dont want to think about them but i want to think about my husband and his family not my friends.

Ive personally done alot for him n only i know it but the thing is everytime he says different things n it confuses he, his got stuff in him and sometimes it makes me think r they making him say that he loves me to? because one day he loves me and cuple weeks later he acts weird.

Now the problem is his trying to push me away from him because he dont wana hurt me, he says he wont be able to keep me happy n neither does he see a future with me. I stopped alot of things for him, i backed out alot for him but right now it hurts me when i think n i can c myself loosing him, i dont want to lose him. I respect my parents alot they mean my world but that guy also means alot too me...if i tel my parents nnothings going to be good, i want to marry this but he said until he dont get beter properly he wont get married n he dont know howmany years that will be.

I want to do dua and ask Allah swt for this guy i like, i want to ask Allah swt for forgiveness but same time i want to do dua for this guys health i want him to get beter. Only he knows what his gowing through and i cant c him gowing through all this, he wantes to be a gd muslim he wants to practice Islam but the things in him dont let him. I always do dua for his health, for him to get better and for me n him to be together...his gowing away from me, i want to do dua that he comes back to me again and thinks positive. He thinks ALOT about negative but hardly thinks about positive.
Is there any dua i can read? Powerfull dua?
I know me liking this guy is Gunaah but how do i keep myself away from him? Is it gunaah me asking Allah swt for him? Asking Allah swt to bring him closer to me again?

I think this story has gone long but im really confused with what to do...

I feel i have no1 to pour out my heart to...but ive told u the situation with this guy now u all tell me what shall i do?

JazakAllah