Bismihee Ta'aala Asalamualaikum Who do you love more Allah (SWT) or this boy your not married to? Boys come and go, but Allah (SWT) will always be there. Allah (SWT) has done so much for you (all of us in fact). How can we displease Allah (SWT) for a boy or girl? How loving and caring Allah (SWT), but yet we neglect his rights for our pleasures? We have to remember that this life is temporary. The hereafter is permanent. dear sister, leave this brother for the sake of Allah (SWT). Your story is like so many other people I know. You will be with him for a couple of years and then who knows? Earlier today there was a sister in her 30s that posted her story about being with a man for 5 years and then his parents told him he can't marry her and now she is devastated. She admitted to doing things with this man on top of that, but now she feels so guilty. When are we going to learn from other people's mistakes? Repent to Allah (SWT) and turn towards him for guidance. Remember Allah (SWT) is always going to be there unlike these people. The truth is no matter what you do, you will always think about this guy or someone else. That is the nature of human beings. We all want to be loved. The thing is that we have to be sincere in our actions and turn towards Allah (SWT). We have to be strong and fight against our desires. We just have to make sincere dua to Allah (SWT) to help and not commit these sins. Make sure you don't ponder about these thoughts, that is the key. Right when these thoughts come in your mind, immediately get them out. The less you ponder, the less it will bother you. And Allah (SWT) knows best