We never married exactly. We were engaged for a long time but in the end I walked out due to personal reasons. This second time we came back together and he was shia all of a sudden. I admit the first time I left him it lead me to become muslim( since I was a kafira then). This second time I left him I realized the value of standing up for the right path and became a lot more serious about working for my akhirah. I also gained a lot of knowledge researching. I sometimes do think Allah did this as a test to make me a better servant but I can't get over the guilt of leaving him and his family and all the friends I gained in this deception. They are all such good people but so blind. Over that i can't get over my 30 visions concerning this matter. Yet that's not the most important thing since visions are not solid proof.